Ana remembers her time in a pool as a little girl. Pools are seas for children. One day they are on dry land. The next some relative throws them into the water. For a brief split second the children can’t figure out what is going to happen. Hitting the water is going to hurt. And the adults appear indifferent to the child’s fate. Here at least Ana has little floaters on her arm. She learns how to swim. Millions of children every year fail to learn. When the world becomes water world America’s children are going to suffer.
Ana pukes in front of her classmates from laughing too hard. Ana is classy. If laughter was truly contagious the rest of her class would have puked as well. Clearly this is empirical evidence showing how non-contagious laughter is in case there was any doubt. On the plus side of things Ana did avoid going to gym class. People really will do anything to avoid gym class even for real puking.
Dads want what is best for their children. That includes haircuts. Ana’s dad insists on Ana’s hair looking the best it can. With great haircuts comes great responsibility. Ana understands this fact. Her father, for all his benevolent whatever, does not. Each one has a car. Clearly this is a luxurious kind of life living with a multi-car family. However Ana leaves the story in mid-air: does she get a haircut? This is never explicitly stated.
The haircut happens. This is a victory for her father. Once a year Ana gets a haircut. After she gets this haircut she feels bad. Samson felt bad when he got his haircut too. Ana is the Samson of alt lit. Upon getting her hair cut she loses her superhuman powers. It is painful to watch and even more painful to read. However it ends up okay. Hair always grows back except for bald people.
Various trolls visit Ana. Three trolls exist for Ana: the troll of Christmas past, present, and future. Past troll messes with Ana’s breasts. This troll is a messed up crazed lunatic who is probably relatively commonplace. Even regular non-troll people play with that kind of stuff. For Christmas present there are burgers. Ana eats them. Ana loves the burgers. The burgers love Ana, love seeing themselves consumed by an up and coming lovely writer. Finally the last troll is the troll of Christmas future. In future Christmases Ana will cry thus making it just plain ‘Christmas’.
Each poem brings the reader closer to Ana. This is good. Ana needs somebody to protect her from the trolls.