American Idle by Jae Dyche and Patrick Trotti

                Jae knows about West Virginia. I don’t. West Virginia is one of those places I’ve driven through but will never understand. Alpha males confuse me too. I am not an alpha male. How do alpha males come about? Are you born as an alpha male or do experiences transform you into one? 

                Patrick mentions the pain of picking up people. Musicians are hard to pick up. They are elusive creatures. Punks in particular have a strong sense of self. Drummers for punk bands may be the coolest people I have ever met. Can anyone understand them? No, of course not but that is part of the joy: never knowing. 

                Sharing a family moment is important. Everyone has a moment right before they find out the truth about their family. As children we fail to see the tell-tale signs of a family less than perfect. Love from our relatives provides a glare. We can’t see through it to the darker elements. That’s why family love is powerful. It keeps children blind if just for a shimmering sliver of time. 

                Baths are gross. They can cleanse more than a shower. Wintertime is the worst time for me. Feel the pain of Wilson. All Wilson wants is silence. Underwater noises are blurred away, memories blur away. In the water everything is impermanent. Little waves carry you away. When you see yourself shed and go down the drain there’s a worry. As a bath though, stewing in your own sweat and juices, there is an acceptance there. 

                August is for the dog days of summer. Nothing happens in August. Revolutions take a break, November is more their thing. Summer flings wind down in August; passion dissipates in the hot, humid air. Beyond the heat is a reality coming soon. Even after you leave school there’s a huge sense of regret associated with August. Perhaps it is the realization that the summer is almost over and the hopes for the summer are gone. It is similar to the pang of regret felt every Sunday night as we realize how little we accomplished on the weekend. 

                Long after our relatives have passed away their cherished possessions remain. We give these items personalities, attributes, and wonder about the history behind them. Her grandfather’s watch kept time as railroads began flowing across the US. Eventually the steel rivers were replaced by Pavement Rivers. What is the follow-up for our present? Is there a future, something worth telling future spawn about? Or will we opt to pass down stories of better times, harder times maybe, yet more honest. 

                ‘One hit wonder’ comes too close to home. Childhood is so lonely. Even after you grow up the loneliness of childhood is unbelievable. For a while you coast by on the cuteness. Then you get maturity or some other behavior. After a while that is not enough. You need a skill to attract attention. Poor kid had his imagination ruined by cruel reality. That’s why I do not live in reality. I live on the internet. 

                Plants love conversation. When you talk to a plant it doesn’t walk away. In Japan plants blog because Japan is the future. Someday I hope plants will have their own online personas. Jae wants to share a bed but doesn’t know what to do after that. Space is important. We fill it with ourselves and it becomes somehow important. I love seeing empty space and wondering how it ended up so under-populated, why no one ever settled there. Patrick ends it with the coin toss of a miserable childhood. 

                This is a distinctly American collection. Photography between each section is beautiful. Jae’s photos show the decay of America, the rusted glory. It adds to the content of each poem and story. The stories give off a general feeling of helplessness, particularly Patrick’s stories which have no future. At least Jae’s poems focus on a better past. Together they show a present that could go either way, but not today.

Shabby Doll House

                Shabby Doll House continues to ‘bring the love’. Little short stories reside in these adorable pages. As this is a shabby doll house it is small yet efficient. Every nook and cranny is filled with tender warm, the kind of love reserved for a favorite doll or stuffed animal. These are loved stories; the things people return to and re-read out of affection. Happy that Shabby Doll House continues the quality begun in the first release. Indeed it seems this is only the beginning of a beautiful doll house. 

                LK Shaw wants to live in Northern Canada in a giant Shabby Doll House. Think this is known as a ‘House’. Olivia wants to be a film maker. I like Olivia. Her encourage of LK is important. Alt lit needs a film maker, needs a ‘Factory’ on par with Andy Warhol’s genius. Feel that alt lit already has a ‘Factory’: it is called Facebook. Everyone comes together on Facebook to make new art of varying degrees of quality and illustriousness. LK wants New York. Olivia recommends San Francisco. Either one is fine. Share Shabby Doll House in any major city. Rural Northern Canada is tough for alt lit. 

                 Jordan Castro’s piece reminds me of youth lost. Youth is paradise. Wish I knew that before I grew all old. Recently went to an old spot I used to hang around. The whole area made my heart sink; waxing nostalgic for a past I didn’t fully appreciate. Everyone has those places. We want the past and fail to appreciate the present. 

                Murdoch LaMarche has a crazy, insane-style night. This is the night of a play on words. Plays have a way of sucking the viewer in. Clearly this is what happens with Murdoch. Over the course of the night Murdoch sheds his human form. Indeed he becomes a ghost, one with the smoke. Shedding one’s human form is best done on the internet. When you do it IRL people freak out a bit. I particularly enjoy the cig distributor’s statement ‘Dude, you’re just mumbling sounds, I don’t have any money’. Why I enjoy that statement is because I was that distributor. I am happy to have made Murdoch’s night a little better. I am really happy Murdoch did not steal my $9. 

                Frank Jackson understands the office life. I live it every day. Offices are not normal places. They shutter out emotions, opinions, and family. Work becomes the one and only thing. Even out of such emotionally dry places rituals form, grooves to reassure that everything is okay. What the end shows is despite the intention of a dry workplace glimmers of humanity appear out of routine. Awkward at work can be the only gaze one has into another’s true inner thoughts. 

                I’m here. Man Emily Horn’s picture really spoils me. Take a gander. Read a little bit. Enjoy the piece. Let me know what you think. Utensils need love too. 

                Walter Mackey writes about a couple that loves each other very much. They have a few spats but nothing severe. People videotape each other for the internet. Having never met one another is okay. Frank and Jeremy reach out to the internet for validation. 

                Jesus Moses attends philosophy parties when he’s not busy delivering pizza. Nature is humanity. People used to live in trees. Some animals live in trees because they like the view. Trees are the skyscrapers of the forests. It is a beautiful scene. Unfortunately Jesus dislikes nature. That’s probably because he used to be a carpenter, before he ended up delivering unnatural pizzas. Pizzas do not occur in nature. K-Mart realism is an artistic movement. Embrace it. 

                Roshan Abraham gets car insurance. They take care of you. When you are on the other end of a phone know somebody is there or was there. Even robotic voices want to comfort you. Unfortunately robots fail to understand the emptiness humanity feels on the inside. The lack of empathy is why robots will someday inherit the Earth. 

                Stephen Michael McDowell dissolves his body into his art. No longer does Stephen exist. For now Stephen is an alter ego, in a literal ‘alt’ sense. Slowing he begins to notice less his surroundings as he gets sucked into his own mind and his own internet. We have our private internets. The internet knows our preferences, knows what we search for. When we Skype we are far away yet feel close. Technology is the replacement for intimacy. Eventually Stephen realizes this as he puts down the laptop and chooses life. 

                Love this second edition. Feel Shabby Doll House is growing. Maybe one day it’ll grow giant into a house we can all live in, let us hope for that glorious day.

Moonguys – Moonguys EP 7.5

                Moonguys are a sweet little band making sweet little pop ditties. Within this EP are two different approaches. The first approach is clean, crisp, electronic-effects laden, while the second has no problem embracing the murkier side of things fidelity-wise. Whatever the approach these are song happy little songs, with a penchant for the twee side.  

                The first song is so peppy. ‘I want to (Don’t Want to)’ reminds me of ‘The Unicorns’ with its frantic energy and instant likability. From there Moonguys turns down the energy. ‘Basic Rules’ sounds jubilant with a simple beat guiding it along. Much of this EP owes its existence to the unabashed emotional indie music. ‘I’ll Come Around’ reminds me of college rock with all the wonderful things that implies. That means mood shifts, catchy choruses, and a simple approach. 

                For the lo-fi portion they build off of their talent with pop fare. Here with the B-sides one gets the sense of a band deep in love with early 90s lo-fi bands. ‘Pretty Misery’ is by far my favorite moment on the whole EP. It is perfect ear candy. Here is where they transform into a different band, one which uses the lo-fi as a method. The distortion is used sparingly. The percussion moves at a snail’s pace. In other words, it is an ideal slow-burning pop song. 

                Like both approach Moonguys take on this EP. Happy they are able to show a few different approaches to songwriting in such a small EP. It appears (judging by the band’s name and the nature of the songs) that they are rather carefree about the entire project. Glad they keep the music down to the most basic of elements. Sometimes pop should be simple.

Nuestra Madre by Megan Lent

                Everything begins the same way: with Bob Dylan. When you are trying to discover yourself, Bob Dylan is not a bad way to go. I found Bob Dylan later on in life. Had I realized his magic earlier perhaps I could have been spared some heartache. Yes I know it seems mad such a music snob would be late on Dylan but things fall through my musical sifter. Whenever I listen to Bob Dylan I think of all the wonderful people I’ve met while his music has played in the background of my life. Of course I never told them that. Maybe I need to do that more often. 

                Idolize Megan Lent. She is the middle ground of humanity. Get perfect blood pressure. Have the perfect weight. This is how you do it. Live the Megan Lent lifestyle. Her nurses dig her ‘healthy’ life. They are envious. I am. Famous people give themselves away. I know more about famous people than I do about my own family. Sloths are not known for close lines of communication. 

                Moments define us. Megan shares a moment that defined her. There she was in a high school gym. She says no to the creeper. Creepers live everywhere. You see creepers in action. Usually they fail. Occasionally they succeed. Let creepers fail. Think the philosophy behind the creeper lifestyle is ‘If I’m a big enough creep I’ll be too big to fail’. Once they fail perhaps they’ll get a taste of reality. We all live in reality even on the internet. Rise above the creepiness. Live in the light. 

                 This is a promising TV series. How does it work? People start hating each other. 

Eventually the hate melts away revealing love. Long ago I was cynical. Slowly, after many, many people told me ‘You’re too cynical’ my distaste for people melted away. One day I remember being extremely content at being alone. I looked up at the sky and realized I had never really appreciated it before. That’s the moment I became a sloth. My outer human shell melted away to reveal a tender, caring sloth. 

                Craters are the sandboxes of the moon. Remember being a child? You used to make such great sandcastles. Entire villages, cities and countries were there. While you made your little kingdom people watched shocked at the level of your sand castle skills. Eventually some health inspector shut down the sandboxes of America. Sandboxes were ‘totally gross’ and ‘teeming with germs’. The moon appears to be an equally lonely place. Little aliens come by and Megan realizes she is alone. We never remember we are alone until we are reminded. The internet is funny that way. You can be all alone and never feel it. Sometimes we need to go IRL in order to remember what is digital and what is real. All Megan wants to do is remind us to come back once in a while. Real life needs us.

#poems by Salisbury Bushnell

                Let me say this once and only once: you must see Salisbury Bushnell in person. Yeah I’ve gone to some intense readings. People get shoved into freezers for little to no purpose. That happens. When I see this Bushnell bro read his heart out I feel an intensity that knows no bounds. Sheer volume dominates my senses. Then there’s his whole ‘A box of Fruit Loops exploded on my face’ thing he has going on as he throws snack cakes. All I want out of life is weird stuff and free stuff. After that I don’t really care.

                Suddenly he becomes a throne of kittens. Salisbury Bushnell is Ceiling Cat. This explains everything except for the part about work. Wrestling villains I see that in a cat. Laying sod, that’s not something a cat does. Cats aren’t big into lawn care. It just isn’t part of their brand.

                Our lives always trend. Check twitter. One day you will be a trending topic on Twitter. I know this because you have great charisma and I care about you very much. Let me be the background dancer to your life. I want to make you look good. You deserve it. Love takes a lot. It takes two on average. Sometimes love requires a whole village. Bad experiences in love make us more prepared for when love finds us. 

                Centaurs have a rough life. That’s when two become one. Sometimes coordinating between the two selves can be difficult. We are made up of so many different thoughts and interests. Even close friends may have conflicting interests. For this poem shows Salisbury at his most romantic. Whoever is the subject of this poem ought to be tinkled pink. 

                Typing laughter is dangerous. Sometimes people type ‘LOL’ but do not mean it. Occasionally I have seen blank-faced people on cam type ‘LOL’. You have to feel the LOL in your heart. Do not fake amusement. Feel the amusement. Crack a smile. Laugh out loud. Embrace the humor all around you. Find the funny. Humor does not come to us. We make our own fun. 

                Ride the heart. Heart-wave is the newest genre. Imagine Chillwave and EMO coming together. Now add a bit of Post-Rock and you’re there. That’s the newest thing right now. Salisbury’s heart is a rapper’s bank account growing every day. Salisbury discovers the most potent renewable resource ever and it is not ethanol. Love is the universe’s energy. Let love become your new gravity lifting you up to such great heights. 

                Feel Salisbury gets downright playful with the line ‘We’s goin places’. I can hear his voice shouting at the top of his lungs as he screams this love across the page. Happy he has a new AC. Personally I believe love is central air coming from all sides. 

                How does Salisbury end it? Take a single paragraph and transform it into a hyper-active sentence. No wonder Tweens dig Salisbury’s work so much. I have to stop reading the paragraph in order to catch my break. Words rarely move this quickly across the page. My eyes force me to move as quickly as my mind allows. 

                This is the sweetest collection from Alt Lit’s underground wrestling champion. Imagine moving as quickly as possible wearing multi-colored makeup. Yes that is Salisbury’s standard garb. Every day Salisbury works on his massive texts. I am happy to see a transmission from his warm, warm heart. Copy and paste any poem into your dating profile to find that ‘special someone’. Salisbury brings the love.

Beach Sloth’s Birthday

                This is the kind of birthday party I last had when I turned 21 and people loved me. Guess people love me again. Usually I’m the one dispensing the love and affection for everyone. It is strange when I feel that love and affection being given back to me. Think my face hurt from smiling so much. 

                It begins with Steve on a green sofa. Wonder if children have their own Spreecasts. Maybe this is something important for my kids to do. Hope this can encourage my kids to blog or at least VLOG. Let me thank Nic Rad for hosting us for this once-in-lifetime meeting. While we were there we discussed Republican politics. People are paying attention to Matt Romney and Rob Paul’s run for the White House. Rob Paul is perhaps the first ‘seems bleak’ candidate. Rob Paul is the Spencer Madsen of Vice Presidents. 

                The Mount Olive Gang showed up. To write a collaborative chapbook with multiple people is incredible. Few attempt this chapbook of multiple people. Right now I believe in them. When they come out with this chapbook I will review ‘the Satan’ out of it. Can I review a chapbook and exorcise demons out of it? I think I can. 

                LK Shaw is from the original York. People were surprised by her accent. Everyone loved the English accent. While she read the chat she laughed. We learn about Crispin’s American accent. Apparently he must say ‘Horse Apples’ to remember he’s doing an American accent. ‘Horse Apples’ is the name of Crispin’s next book. It is about a man with an electrical outlet fetish. He likes plugging electrical outlets with his ‘cord’. 

                You hear me selling a chapbook. Inside that chapbook I wrote ‘I loves you’. All money for chapbooks goes to me buying food. Thankfully since I’m a sloth I don’t need that many calories. Personally one of the highlights is the ‘Mount Olive Gang’ messing with the chat. I laughed a lot at this section. Spencer Simone’s constant picture taking made it even funnier. 

                Nic Rad’s picture: I love it. It hangs in my cubicle now. Nobody knows what it means. All my co-workers are like ‘Why the heck do you have a drawing of a sloth in your cubicle?’ I respond with ‘Why is your diet nothing but Diet Coke and Cottage Cheese?’ That has kept them quiet for now. If my co-workers start eating normal food I’ll have a problem. 

                Happy my kids watched me on Spreecast. Good thing my babysitter came through. While Steve talked about his life people flirted pretty hard with Spencer Madsen. Could Spencer Madsen be the alt lit eligible bachelor of 2012?

                ‘Satanic Remix’ was Steve’s remix of my chapbook. Hope everybody finds some meaning in my chapbook. I want to share my enthusiasm for life with you. Steve is a romantic poet. Reading these on the internet is one thing. Hearing them in person made me cry. I cried for Steve’s words are full of beauty. Manatees get a shout-out. Love any slow-moving creature. Eventually Steve needed to ‘get dark’ with the chat. 

                Lucy K Shaw played three songs. I dug these songs. Everybody in the chat hit on LK Shaw. Nobody else had a guitar. These are poets not musicians. Crispin reminded everybody she’s from the UK. He stated ‘Canada, you can’t take this away from the UK. We need this. You have the Arcade Fire. Come on.’ Honestly Crispin Best was ‘rocking’ the chat. One wanted the birthday bash to become an e-book. Look for her music on YouTube. LK is excellent. She’s in charge of ‘Shabby Doll House’ as well. Plus she knows how to sing a ‘mean’ Happy Birthday. 

                ‘I Love Marie Calloway’ creator made it. He was a sharp looking individual. Happy I got to meet him. Check out the web series. Perhaps I may get a smile out of Eeyore. That would be quite unusual. Pay attention to him. He heads up Bambi Muse. 

                Guillaume Morissette rocked. Every time he said ‘Dad’ I felt a pang in my heart. For I want to be a cool dad. Hope I am not a sad dad. Want to be so happy to people. Sometimes I’m sad. My sadness helps me appreciate the good parts of my life. Shows I am truly a sloth. For his second poem, not from Sadcore Dadwave, he expressed disgust at the conversation with his cat. Finally he crushed it with some really heavy tweets. 

                Spencer Madsen represented himself and Mira Gonzalez. I liked the ‘Sticker’ poem. Want to boost people even at work. Also work pays me so I have to be nice. Little known fact: I am a recovering Neopets addict. No amount of coffee tempts me. I drink coffee when I want to go out. Mira Gonzalez’s poetry ruled. Really had not listened to anybody read it. Feel that Mira and Spencer have a similar coolness about them. 

                After the Spreecast, madness ensued. Spencer and Megan poured liquor on each other’s hair. Wonder what sort of bizarre friend ritual this may be? Found a fellow ‘Marine Girls’ fan. Little known fact: I love twee music. You really cannot do better than the Marine Girls. Some of their songs have made their way into my heart. 

                Megan Boyle explained the Beetle Box to me. Explaining Wittgenstein’s concept of the mind is not typical party conversation. Suffice it to say Megan did a great job of breaking down philosophy. Hope at some point she will use her philosophy to transform all people’s minds into beetles. Remember hearing one person saying ‘That’s an extremely conceptual tattoo for ‘The Beatles’. 

                I had so much fun. Everyone was so nice. Hope I can keep on supporting people like they support me.

:Zoviet*France – Mohnomishe 8.9

                Zoviet France’s ‘Mohnomishe’ is their best effort. This happens to be one of the most intense albums they ever released. Usually they incorporate a large amount of ambience in their recordings. In this album they break up the occasional soothing qualities of never-ending grooves with jagged pieces of noise. 

                It begins with a surprisingly large amount of distorted noise. The label ‘industrial’ is usually applied to their music due to the musical process. Here it describes the music. Much of this is loud, punishing, and hypnotic in its repetition. For the second track you hear what would eventually influence such percussion-based bands as ‘Crash Worship’ and ‘Shit and Shine’. On this track the sound is harsh, disorienting and punctuated with loud snippets of noise. Don’t worry the drums never end but only built up in volume and intensity. 

                On the fourth track you witness the sort of sound that countless drone bands wish they could do. It is a beautiful, expansive piece and one of the calmer pieces on here. Eric Copeland owes his livelihood to tracks five and seven. :Zoviet*France takes a groove and extends it out to near-ridiculous lengths. This attention is not unwarranted, as gradual changes take place breaking the listener out of their sense of ease. 

                The ending is the longest track on here. It takes a field recording and inserts quiet distorted synthesizers over it. Random noises and objects add to the easy sound. If you were curious what tribal industrial music might sound like, it would be this: a perfect mediation on our surroundings using the simplest of means. 

                Perhaps that’s the most incredible thing about this recording: how positively fresh it sounds nearly three decades later. Taste does matter in electronic music particularly industrial music. :Zoviet*France knew this well. The equipment is unimportant for good music: it is the method that counts.

The Marie Calloway takes Manhattan

                I was going to one of the most relevant shindigs ever. Everybody would be there. So I was bringing my kids to my mother’s house. Alt lit children they aren’t but darn it, I love my kids. After I dropped them off I took the subway. Right across from me sat a hyper-sexualized Hansel and Gretel. Had the witch’s house been made out of aphrodisiacs they would have been game. I pictured them making it in subway cars asking voyeurs for money. Heck I would have given them some. They were cute as Heck, Satan-approved.

                I began walking towards the Nostrand side of the train station. Who was behind me, none other than Steve Roggenbuck? This was amazing. Everyone thought it was sheer coincidence. No, this was the result of the highly dysfunctional G line. Many think the G line is a terrible subway line, that since it never goes into Manhattan nobody really cares about it. I disagree. I and the G keep it twee. 

                At the party everyone who could have been there was there. Santino Dela, famous Canadian, Megan Boyle, the most famous writer to come out of Baltimore since Edgar Allen Poe, Spencer Madsen of ‘A Million Bears’ fame, and of course, the whole reason for the party, Marie Calloway. For her efforts in alt lit and her many readings, Marie’s fans presented her with a trophy for 1^st place in girl’s 8^th grade field hockey, and 1^st place for badminton. Around them were candles to set the mood. 

                Outside several discussed the dilemma of the ‘Positive Cock Block’. Personally I do not see it but there are such things as positive cock blocks. The sloth’s main cock block is a lack of energy. Sloths are like ‘Maybe we should respond to this message on our dating profile’ but usually we take a nap instead. If you ever see a sloth on OK Cupid, they have a ‘responds selectively’ setting due to their inherent laziness. 

                Santino Dela may care more about writing than anyone else at the party. At the party he hugged everyone. People received food and nourishment from his ample brown paper bag. Out of the bag followed all sorts of kindness. Later that evening Santino received the shock of his Canadian alt-bro life. For trying to bring poetry to the citizens of Brooklyn he spent two days in maximum security prison without access to Facebook or Twitter.  I believe that may be a violation of the Geneva Convention. Hundreds of alt lit people rely on Santino’s tweets to get them through the day. An undercover cop asked him what he was doing. In true Santino fashion he answered “I am living my life”. Living your life may be a crime IRL. Is this what America does? Does America want to arrest ‘poetry’ and ‘throw away the key’? Vigils were held outside for Santino as he observed his horrendous conditions. Right now Santino is in talks for a book deal with Melville Press and a potential film option based off of this experience. Both prisoners in his jail cell had mops. 

                LK Shaw and Guillaume Morissette were in attendance as well. These two Canadians were a bit different from Santino. First neither one was arrested (that I know of). Second neither one is ‘hardcore Canadian’. LK Shaw hails from the UK. I love the UK and hope to return there someday soon. Guillaume is from Montreal and is very Montreal. Guillaume’s face is the face of Quebec. Don’t mess with Quebec. Godspeed You Black Emperor is from Quebec. If you mess Quebec up prepare for at least a twenty minute song about why you suck which effortlessly blends Post-Rock, Classical, and Ambient music into a tasteful whole. Also it will totally fuck you up. 

                I met so many wonderful people. Finally I met the elusive Megan Boyle, of ‘Boyle’s Brains’ fame, of ‘Muumuu House’ fame, and most importantly of ‘Megan Boyle’ fame. At this point I have seen Megan read multiple times. Each time I was either too nervous to approach or she left before I could find her. For a while I thought we would never meet. Really happy I got to meet Megan Boyle. Glad Megan Boyle will be driving trucks across this great land called ‘America’. In real life Megan Boyle is infinitely excellent. She bought my chapbook which means the world to me. Plus due to me standing in proximity to Megan I got a free Whiskey Soda. So even standing next to Megan Boyle makes you cooler. 

                Many, many other people were there. I got to meet so many Canadians while there. Wonder if there even were any Canadians in Canada this weekend, besides Walter Mackey because he is not allowed to leave Canada. Walter Mackey is responsible for 90% of Canada’s sass output. Without Walter Mackey Canada’s sass would reach ‘critical levels’. This cannot happen. Walter must stay in Canada at all times to curate large collections of sass. 

                Honestly, if I had to give this party a score, it would make ‘Best New Friends’. I spoke with wonderful people who were and were not members of alt lit. Not sure if I can mention all their names as I’m uncertain about who would and would not want to be mentioned. Just know if I spoke to you I cherished the time. Sometimes I feel lonely observing things from far away, blogging about them as I sit alone on the internet. Meeting people IRL reminds me that the internet is a warm and caring place. Thank you for all the IRL hugs.

Illuminati Power Hour 10

                What a weekend! Steve Roggenbuck lives online. This weekend he was offline, living the IRL. Sometimes I visit IRL just to get food and nourishment. While I’m in IRL I’m thinking ‘Dang, the internet is sweet’ and ‘Yo, I need to write that down. That’s a good tweet/blog topic/another online alias’. I feel happy seeing the Illuminati Power Hour live broadcasting from America’s Heartland, Brooklyn. Brooklyn has a lot true Americans, riding bikes, eating kale, wholesome American activities. 

                The internet lifestyle begins with Ben Beutel-Gunn wearing my shirt. Never have I seen my shirt IRL. Usually I see pictures which are beautiful. Is ‘Truly’ the ‘Amen’ of alt lit? Can ‘Alt Lit’ become the most positive cult on the internet? Alt lit includes so many people: flarfers, freakers, frickers, writers, researchers, and even the rarest of creatures: Canadians. Much of the weekend has been filled with beautiful Canadians. Canada is blessed with wonderful people.

                ‘Obey your thirst’ Steve says as he drinks a huge bottle of orange juice. That’s what happens. Everybody loves the OJ, to free the OJ from the fridge. As Steve drinks the huge amount of Orange Juice calories he rates cats. Moon Temple, Angela Shier, and Dudebutt show off their cats. Angela’s cat pisses in toasters out of loneliness. Feel bad that cats suffer from depression. Dogs may be man’s best friend, but the cat is man’s sympathetic ear. Hope Dudebutt’s cat apologizes for biting poor Dudebutt. Ace, Angela Shier’s cat, wins for the most Satanic cat. 

                I get to witness Steve’s remix of my chapbook. Steve enjoys Dada. Since I’m a dad I guess that makes me a Dada. That’s what my kids called me before they got articulate. I am a fan of youth, the whole ‘before people get disillusioned’ with culture. Found art is life. What you pick out of culture is who you are. When you find out what you want out of society things become so easy. For a long time I did not know what I wanted. All I did was watch TV. TV is dead to me. Alt lit is my TV. 

                Travel tips by Steve Roggenbuck are a new part of the show. It shows us a little about the man behind the travels. Mega-Bus helps out Steve. Mini-Bus is a piece of human garbage. Steve is a traveling salesman. What he sells is true enlightenment and inner peace. For Steve’s persona is Buddha on the Internet. $47 brings Steve to the US and to Canada. 

                Waxing Gibbous is a beautiful moon phase. Steve explains moon phases. You need to know moon phases if you want to be Satanic. This brings us into the beautiful Crispin Best story. ‘Keep this bag away from children’ is a great thing. A sunset in New York City is gorgeous. The sun never sets on alt lit. Alt lit is in New Zealand, Australia, UK, and everywhere. Wherever there is someone writing on the internet, watching YouTube, Spreecasts, Ustreams, Tinychats, reading Alt Lit journals, that’s Alt Lit. 

                Check out Bambi Muse. The curator of these various babies is none other than the host of the award-winning series ‘I love Marie Calloway’. He is a remarkable strapping young lad. Infants generally do not have much of a work ethic. So it is a remarkable view of the adult world from the perspective of an infant. 

                Winky and I are going to have a play-date for our children. I worry that my kids do not have enough play dates. Sometimes I feel my kids have too few friends to talk to on the internet. Want my kids to like photos on Facebook. Want my kids to comment on status updates. This is an important part of life. 

                Steve is my co-boost. A few think Steve is me. Right now I cannot confirm nor deny this rumor. Instead let me continue to encourage this speculation. We listen as Steve contemplates his existence. A bird looks at the Spreecast. Clearly that pigeon is extremely alt. Look out for that pigeon’s first chapbook out later this summer. 

                It ends with a major announcement. What is the announcement? Prepare yourself. Sit yourself down in front of your glowing screen. ‘LIEF BOOKS’ is a big press busting out onto the scene. See James Ganas’ first book out in August. Oh you do not even know how big of a deal. For me to barely comprehend this I had to bust out the calculator to figure out the level of boost. This being a major announcement Steve screams ‘WOO’ for a couple of minutes afterwards. 

                Feel the joy of this Illuminati Power Hour. This is the party of a few close friends hanging out around a kitchen table, talking and appreciating each other’s company.  ‘We’re just me and you’ is how he ends it, disrespectful to the haters, appreciative of the alt lit daters.