Moonrise Kingdom ***Warning Spoilers***

                When I was a kid, I had tapes. They matched up with a seriously beat-up boombox. My father gave me my first tape. It was ‘The Young Person’s Guide to the Orchestra’ by Benjamin Britton. I recorded over that tape on the other side. Songs off the radio joined this first gift of music. When it inevitably got taped over, a little part of my childhood was wiped out forever. So when I heard this song’s use in the trailer, those memories of early innocent childhood came flooding back. The plot even reminded me of a dream I had as a child. I wanted to run away with a girl. In my dreams we ran away from school and wrote mysteries while living underneath shrubs in the suburbs. Unlike ‘Moonrise Kingdom’ I never saw nature as a child. To me, shrubs were off limits, almost mysterious in their absolute pointlessness. We’d live in the divisions of boredom and it would be great.

                Wes has been building up to this single movie for quite some time. Elements from all his previous movies are here only more refined. We get the young anger and disappointment that Max Fisher had. Indeed, Sam could be seen as a child of Max Fischer, right down to the glasses and knowledge in one specific area. His dry delivery is very similar. Yet with Max Fischer people had certain problems with his behavior, deeming him somewhat disturbed due to the loss of his mother. Make Max younger, slightly more caring about others, and a bit more disadvantaged and you get this character.

                Suzy is similar to Margot in ‘The Royal Tenenbaums’. Here too Wes appears to perfect his character. Now Suzy is prone to fits of pure rage. Her demeanor is never quite explained, unlike Margot’s in ‘The Royal Tenenbaums’. Suzy is a sympathetic character in how she interacts with Sam. Their desire for one another is charming. They are two young social outcasts who fit in absolutely nowhere at all. 

                The ensemble cast shows improvement as well. Now the characters bond together with a little less obvious sentimentality than ‘The Royal Tenenbaums’ or the emptiness of ‘The Life Aquatic’. Rather we feel a sense of these people less as characters and more as people. A few of them show great amounts of anguish in tiny, little ways. Walt Bishop’s answer of ‘Why’ shows a little bit of his quiet, reserved, and tortured existence. He’s virtually comatose and perfect for the role. 

                Edits are much sharper. When a battle scene happens it is immediately cut. The cut is an improvement over the cut leading to Zissou’s helicopter crash into the ocean. Somehow the edits are justified, earned even. Wes focuses less on the event and more on the aftermath. More time is spent thinking about things. In the rare pure action sequences Wes uses an almost tongue-in-cheek demeanor, via the rescue from camp, Suzy’s loss of her binoculars, or Sam’s navigation and camping skills. 

                 Use of music is a great improvement. Some of Wes’s more recent films overused the soundtrack. ‘The Darjeeling Limited’ used it in one particularly good scene that would’ve have been infinitely better without the music. Silence would have sufficed. In ‘Moonrise Kingdom’ Wes appears to follow the instructions given by Benjamin Britton. Pieces come in slowly. Little conflicts are mentioned, piece by piece. Eventually they burst forth, like the dam, or the camp grounds. This is probably part of the reason for the rather packed third act.

                Emotionally the movie is packed. A few near-quiet moments are among my favorites. Watch the opening scene around the Bishop’s house. See the look of the theater piece, which references ‘Rushmore’ and its obsession with theater. Even the little costumes feel appropriate, whether in the theater or as ‘Khaki Scouts’. They are so distinctly Wes’s signature. These too show an improvement upon the previous theater pieces, which tended to show accomplishments or achievements. In this movie they serve more as a way of bringing people together.

                This may be one of Wes’s best movies. After the relatively slow, empty-feeling ‘The Life Aquatic’, slightly emotionally askew ‘The Darjeeling Limited’ and the hyper-active twee of ‘Fantastic Mr. Fox’ Wes has learned to temper his indulgent impulses. What the audience gets out of ‘Moonrise Kingdom’ is Wes’s most fully realized film yet.

fuck im that one guy from that one tv show by Willis Plummer

                Willis Plummer has a style. That involves clipped sentences. Lately Willis has been popping out chapbooks all over the place. Chapbooks are pulled out of his brain like so much misused dental floss. It is amazing. I feel that Buttercup McGuillicuddy, who has been undergoing his own ‘alt lit transformation’, has been responsible for part of this inspiration. Buttercup has been chilling, some allege like a villain, at various Brooklyn locales. Perhaps it is the result of these interactions that have led to this chapbook, a tour de force of all that is good within the alt lit world. 

                A picture adorns this chapbook’s front cover. It is of ‘Jason Alexander’ the prototype for New York hipster. George has the outfits, the glasses, and a weird sense of humor that’s partly annoying yet still somewhat endearing. I relate to George. Many do. Maybe there’s a little George in all of us, thanks to that show’s explosion which left cultural fragments mired inside our brains. Either that or George has been inside each and every person on the planet. I’m going to go with the former. This chapbook however points to the latter.

                ‘Seinfeld’ dealt with New York in a very specific way. Most of it dealt with tiny concerns. They focused on the small, not larger. Larger forces were at work (ego, randomness, unfortunate circumstances, etc.) but they were downplayed for these tiny pieces of dialogue. Everybody was weird. Nobody was normal. Obsessions grew out of the smallest details.

                Like a box of condoms taken by a former lover. Willis writes about that in detail. It drove him to brooding. Bet Willis sat on his bed, thinking about all those condoms he could use, if he had them. He got a 30 pack. That’s a lot of condoms. Over $20 spent on condoms is expensive. You save money buying them in bulk but still, over $20 is basically my weekly food budget. Can’t believe he would simply give up all those delightful condoms. If you’re not getting any use the condoms to make balloon animals. It makes sense to me. Or sell them on eBay for some quick cash.

                However Willis wasn’t concerned about the money. He was concerned about other people using the condoms. Guess he didn’t want his hard-earned cash going towards others enjoyment. According to this he kept on imagining them using his hard, erect dollars. Anxiety took over him and he collapsed. Expect a short one act play about this particular concern. The entire play will take roughly ten to fifteen minutes. 

                In the end, who is to say what sort of character they resemble from Seinfeld. Some say Seinfeld. Others say George. Who can say? All I know is I’m glad Willis stood up for his box of condoms. We need more people like this hero for the prophylactic class.  

Tidal/Rambutan – Split 7.3

                This is a mellow drone split. In many ways the two artists complement each other well. On Tidal’s side, it takes on a bit more of a rock-orientated drone similar to that employed by Post-Rock or other elongated bands. For Rambutan’s side there appears to be a lighter, slightly more pastoral quality to the sound. Both together create a pleasant aural atmosphere where notes and rhythm seem to drift; unaware of what may go on around them. 

                ‘Sounds of the Future’, Tidal’s piece, has a heavier emphasis on the low end. Guitars appear to make their way through to the forefront. Everything hovers around for the first two minutes. Lower frequencies make their way through, along with random, muffled noises in the background. We don’t find out what they are. It feels like the piece is a living, breathing thing trying to figure out where exactly it is. This is a more drone based track, judging by the emphasis on the louder sounds (and this is the louder side). 

                ‘Trapdoor to Infinity’ is a mellower piece. Unlike Tidal’s piece, it remains focused on being a tad lighter. There’s less emphasis on distortion. Rather the piece feels less rock-based and more electronic influenced, particularly in its use of synthesizers. Hearing the crackles of the equipment is a particularly nice touch. All of it feels so warm and infinitely likable. Gradually it builds itself up into a hot hazy vibe. Little guitar plucks break on through, toying with the heavier sounds. 

                Both pieces are positively cheerful. There’s a sense of reassurance with each track. I think of them as a night (Tidal) and day (Rambutan). You need both.

A Collection of my Greatest Hits by David Greenspan

                David Greenspan writes rated-R material. This is not for Pangurs under the age of 18. Now if you’re mature enough, go to Pangur Ban Party where David talks about all the lovely ladies he meets. If you’re not, well, that’s your problem. I can’t help you at all. What I can say is David has a knack for following age-old advice: even if it is a horrible experience it’s a story. You can write about it. 

                Bethany comes first. She works for the Red Cross. David clearly cares about her. He wants to spray paint her father’s eyelids. That way her dad can do some chores for once. When they talk the conversation builds. Conversations build into hand jobs. He can’t say anything witty to her. Phone sex happens for a month. Unfortunately they never meet again. Only one single, lonely hand job is had between them. 

                Kelly’s experience is more visceral. It begins like all relationships do, with a brick to the face. When the love hits your eye like a big brick that’s amore. They drink beer in her parents’ garage. Both of them care deeply about each other. That’s why he festers in her like a rotten tooth. Rotten teeth are very attractive. 

                Cindy gets covered by Tom Selleck. Tom reports on her fingernails. Nobody can compete with her fingernails. For her he shaves his antlers. Antler shaving is classy. Furries usually do that when their ready to ‘yiff’. His child is promised many great, inexpensive things one can find right around the house. 

                Megan is awesome. They are hand grenades ready to explode into passion. He does something to her dress, something most foul. Alone they are grenades, together they are rocking chairs. Rocking chairs have never been this erotic before. The dress is burned for warmth. Her yellow teeth laugh at him, since they have their own teeth. 

                Ariel is upset with his antlers. He wants more. He wants to be given internet message boards. Can’t imagine how internet message boards can turn him on. I get the broken molars and ink spots, but the internet message boards are always tedious. 

                Lisa is forgiving. That’s why he built a church. It’s why he sniffs her underwear. Underwear sniffers help prop up America’s economy. We need underwear sniffers more than ever. Can’t believe the underwear winked at him. Those are some flirtatious pieces of fabric. Wonder if boxers do the same thing. Feel they do not.

                Jackie throws alcohol in his face. David fails. David sees a priest in a restaurant. The priest says something that David does not follow. Instead he goes to confession the next Sunday. Jessica throws a cat at him. He approves. I like blueberry striped faces. Face paint is pretty damn beautiful to me. Kate appears to be big into camping. Camping is a mysterious way to flirt with any lady. Feel camping is taking it too far (via literal travel). 

                David Greenspan is not a ladies man. Perhaps in surreality (when our dreams meet reality halfway) he is a true stud. Until then he’s an accomplished member of alt lit. Judging from these stories I assume he is single. Hope he posts all of these stories on his ‘OK Cupid’ account. Wonder if that would work. Feel it would. These are some sensual strange stories.

Code Red by Johnny Vulpine and Zach W

                Alt lit covers the great beverage of all: Code Red. Mountain Dew is the king of all pops, sodas, or whatever you call them in your geographic area. When I drink Mountain Dew Code Red, I feel powerful. The caffeine rushes into my bloodstream. I take my bike and ride it to the Rockies in Colorado. Upon my arrival, I take it and thrust a tap hard into that solid granite. Coors-lite, the weakest of the beers, pours forth.  I think ‘Man, I wanted a delicious refreshing taste that never lets me down. I’m not interested in Coors-Lite, the puny beer that gets picked on by all the other beers. Guess it is free so why not?’ I drink beer out of the mountain because I’m poor like that. 

                Johnny and Zach feel the same way about soda. The Midwest refers to it as ‘pop’. I’m not from the Midwest. I am legally obligated to call it soda. I want to be honest with you. Soda is terrific. When America was founded it used to have giant herds of buffalo roaming around Wild West. We still use the taste of buffalo urine. That’s the secret ingredient of Coca-Cola. I found that out in way that I’m not at all proud of; I recommend that method to absolutely no one. Wyoming doesn’t offer much in the way of entertainment. I learned that the very hard way. 

                They discuss doing terrible things to their body with soda. I do not endorse this kind of behavior. You can do it if you have faith in self-destruction. Should soda be used for this purpose? I thought soda was meant for drinking, not for dilly-dallying in your ding-dong. Sorry for using such offensive language but by golly based Molly this is positively absurd. Who is his imaginary brother? How do they know that’s the imaginary brother’s favorite drink? I figure when either Johnny or Zach was still an embryo in their mother they ate their twin brother. That’s how they know. That’s the most logical explanation I can think of. 

                Hope their dad lets them out of the dank storage closet. They must surge through the closet. Mr. Pibb is a gentleman but not a scholar. I have never consumed a can of Dr. Pibb. I don’t even know where to find one. What is Dr. Thunder? Are these real sodas? Am I that deprived, soda-wise? Have my lemonade drinking ways lead me astray. I wonder if this is a result of my East Coast liberal upbringing. Guess I’ve lost touch with my fellow Americans regarding soda consumption. 

                Dogs drink Gatorade. That way they can hunt for gators in the Florida everglades. Gators are nasty creatures. They don’t even drink soda. What kind of animal doesn’t drink soda? I’ve seen pigeons drink soda. Pigeons are true Americans. And adding bottles to a 7up collection is a noble pursuit. Our ancestors would cry if they saw the level of soda riches we possess today. 

                By the end we reach the beautiful conclusion. Mountain Dew Code Red helps America stay extreme. Believe it. I am proud of the wonderful service Johnny and Zach have provided us with Code Red. Poetry never felt so carbonated and American.

INTRODUCTION TO METAL SUBGENRES (OMG.. MY LIEF WAS RUINED BY THIS VIDEO) by Steve Roggenbuck

                Steve Roggenbuck is metal. That’s why he is into Satan. Metal promotes Satan in its music. When you go to hell they put on metal music as you burn in pits of sulfur. You might end up there so might as well get caught up on the music. Notice Steve used to be in some metal bands. I’m talking hardcore metalcore – death metal, the deadliest metal of them all. If your kids listen to death metal be afraid. They are in the power of Satan now. Or they could be angels sent to destroy the power of Satan through metal, a pure harsh metal. Either way let them check out Necropolis, Steve Roggenbuck’s old Myspace metal band. Ah, the good old days of yore, before Steve was a travelling poet. Back then he banged on the drum all day. Necropolis is the city of the dead, alive and full of energy. The dead know how to get down. 

                We first see Steve place his head in a microwave. Clearly Steve is going mad. I wonder how long Steve microwaved his head. I think it was probably under 3 minutes. Steve’s head is relatively small. It can fit in a microwave. Mine can’t do that. I just have too big of a head, due to my age and wisdom. Roggenbuck stores his wisdom in his heart. That’s where all his ideas come from because he loves everybody on Facebook. 

                Hatebreed comes up. That’s a metal band. Cut-outs of people argue. Both of these cut-outs sound suspiciously like Steve. I doubt they are. They are probably paper cut-outs trying to get through their lives. It can be hard to do. Later the hand cut-outs (is this an illusion to William Bennett’s side project ‘Cut Hands’) admit to enjoying Hatebreed a little too much. 

                The real meat and meat potatoes is the five factors of metal subgenres. He even has hybrids of said subgenres. I don’t know much about metal. Steve’s chart helps me get through the oftentimes confusing language of metal. Metal usually feels too intense for me. I like my metal like I like my species: sloth and algae growing. Yeah, that’s why I dig slowcore, Post-Rock, shoegaze, and chillwave. If those genres didn’t exist, well heck, I wouldn’t exist. Drone could be thrown in there too but drone can vary a bit too much. I do like stoner metal since it is a slower kind of metal. All that thrashing stuff sounds insane to me. You might want to pause the video to take some notes. 

                I like the end. It is amazing. Steve puts some ridiculous metal video to happy, cheerful pop music. I know how hard Steve worked on that graph. Metal means a lot to Steve. That’s all he listens to besides Justin Bieber. Before Steve wrote poetry, he wrote death metal lyrics. Death metal lyrics are basically flarf as sung by Cookie Monster.

                Pretty pleased with this video. Steve had been teasing us with an ‘explain-all’ video on metal for quite some time. Proud of Steve for accomplishing his musical dreams. Let’s hope in the future to hear from Steve again as he brings together his love of flarf and metal into the best damned Satanic band known to man.

Mind Over Mirrors – High and Upon LP 8.1

                Mind over Mirrors creates committed music. One might call it insane. That wouldn’t be incorrect but it would  miss the point. Using an extreme dedication to a single melody then sending that very melody through a plethora of oscillators, pedals, and other assorted devices is certainly not typical. Exploration of a single melody brings forth a great sense of calm. Repetition is used very, very heavily throughout these three tracks.

                ‘I’m willing to stagger’ is aptly named. In the opener Jaime works hard to slowly develop the original melody. While it gradually evolves he never loses focus upon that seed. The piece grows through the help of countless counterpoints. Carefully and cautiously he makes it change through the use of so many effects. He works best in large, sweeping takes like this, and indeed the opener is the best piece on the whole album. Thankfully it takes up about half of the entire album’s playing time. He ends the album with a series of dramatic piano chords. Beneath that growls an electronic drone. That drone gets rather violent. Compared to the opening drone, it’s downright nasty. A lot of distortion comes barraging in, tearing apart the uneasy drone. In some ways the song is reminiscent of rock, heavily distorted rock, but rock-influenced nonetheless. Actually the track almost veers into pure noise territory about two thirds of the way before it melts away. 

There’s a sense of humanity throughout all the murky effects, a real and true heart in ‘High and Upon’. It’s a weird universe to be sure.

Illuminati Girl Gang VOL. 1

                We have returned to continue this exclusive, non-stop blog coverage of Gabby Gabby’s latest releases ‘Illuminati Girl Gang’. Actually it will stop after this post. Not sure why I said ‘non-stop’. I wish I could cover Gabby’s genius forever but there aren’t enough hours in the day. And I have a full-time job and sloth children to feed, burp, and recite poetry to. 

                Maggie Lee needs that insurance card. Think the card is called ‘youth’. Wish I was still young. My eyesight is going like Maggie’s. Hope her sight isn’t as bad as mine. I worked hard to get my eyesight to be this bad. Glad her mom calls her on the phone. Moms love the phone. That’s their technology. Mothers are moving onto Facebook. Twitter someday will be more ‘mom-friendly, kid-approved’ via the KIX cereal. Hope her parents are okay. Feel as people get older we grow angry. Life doesn’t work out the way it should. We are not yet adults yet no longer children. Wonder how long parents need to stay parents. 

                Marina Alessio tells us about Sophie. Sophie is well-to-do, living next to Courtney Love and such. I know nothing about Gemini’s. All I know about astrological signs are bouncers ask them when they think you’re too young to get into a club. This is simply what I hear. I never did it myself. I’m a law-abiding sloth. Planes kiss all the time in Disney’s brand new movie ‘Planes’. Sponsored by Delta airlines, it shows Southwest airlines as a totally worthless asshole all the other domestic airlines must defeat in order to survive. Southwest didn’t contribute any money to the film. 

                Megan Lent cannot fit into a paper cup. You need a mug or stein to truly handle her. 19 year old girls really dig Sylvia Plath. Her life seems really sad. Megan’s second poem is far more tasteful. In it she focuses in the intimacy of bodily fluids. Bodily fluids are on the inside and outside. Together they become one. It’s sweet. That is called ‘love’. 

                Mira Gonzalez wakes up to an awkward situation. A friend wants her. That sounds bad. Friends don’t sleep with friends. It leads to fewer friends. Try to maintain the friends you have through non-sexual methods. I haven’t woken up drunk on a couch in years. My breath smells of dreams in the morning. I like the smell of breath in the morning. It makes me feel happy. 

                Sarah Lock draws a single picture. She’s from my current hometown Baltimore. It is a tender piece. I like the near-holding hands. That looks good. People need to touch each other a little more often. We should be happier animals. 

                Stacey Teague wants to live in the snack section of your dreams. She can’t do that in my dreams. In my dreams somebody else has already raided my snack section. Homes have empty space. I like space. Wide-open spaces calm me down. The fewer things around the better I feel. I want lots of sunlight waking me up. I need an empty place to live. 

                Sian Rathore is everywhere. Think her poetry has made it to multiple continents by now. Her kids get names. Kids are split between her and him. Each one gets a couple to keep. Guess that’s a lot of kids. A bottle of alcohol is passed between them. Germs become their children. They get sick off of their feelings and alcohol. Clouds love Sian. Silver linings are less enthused. 

                Grace Miceli puts ridiculous images with pop culture artifacts. It is absurd. Drew Barrymore tells us to date babies. She would know. Drew Barrymore is America’s greatest actress. She’s fun and doesn’t care what anybody thinks of her. Hope she makes out with Megan Fox. If she makes out with Megan Fox I think Ms. Fox should pay for the Oreos. I’m just saying Megan is pretty well-to-do. 

                Gabby Gabby poses the reader many questions. I find Gabby interesting. Conspiracy theory message boards entertain me. I think they have mostly migrated to Facebook. Infants don’t know anything about object permanence. Of course they wouldn’t. Infants just got here. Give them some time to get disappointed by their surroundings. That’s called growing up. She hits the snooze button seven times. I hit up that snooze button all the time. I love sleep. Her eyes open. She puts her hands over them and sees the world again and again in different moments. 

                Yippy Whippy ends it with a pink jacket. This is the standard outfit for all members of the illuminati girl gang.

                Proud of all the work people put into this wonderful collection, including those 'on the side' contributors like Jacob Steinberg. Let's not forget who brought together these many, many writers: Gabby Gabby.Gabby Gabby is a true force in alt lit. I am happy with her momentous rise above all other internet-bound literary figures in the greater Williamsburg, VA metropolitan area. With certainty I say she is the best alt lit figure in all of Williamsburg, VA. I can’t wait until the next issue. Also I am excited about her releases on NAP and Civil Coping Mechanisms respectively. Write hard!

Illuminati Girl Gang VOL. 1

                Vol. 1 - Now that’s what I call Illuminati Girl Gang! I am happy this exists. Gabby Gabby raises gangs to the level of illuminati, to the level of poetry. Gangs are poetic. Hunter S. Thompson wrote a whole book on Hell’s Angels and got his ass handed to him. Feel there is considerably less violence in this volume. Some of my favorite writers are in these internet-bound pages. Gabby’s ability to include a few names, rare, unknown names is particularly wonderful. That cover, oh my golly, that cover rocks my wee world. 

                Hilary Gardiner has a day off. She does what any alt lit person does: deeply explores her emotions. I take days off work sometimes to go biking to find myself. Myself is hidden in a roughly three and a half hour bike ride. Sunlight shines on her. Her invulnerability will not outdo your invulnerability. That might leave you too vulnerable. Our generation is all about nostalgia: we barely remember better times. Those times are on the very periphery of our collective memories: we feel we were promised more and somebody failed to deliver. Wish we knew who lied to us. Hilary works on the new nostalgia, better than the old nostalgia. 

                Alice Lancaster is an illustrator. She doesn’t write poetry. The first picture is of a pale, painted doll looking nervous. For the second photo she transforms childhood into Kawaii. Remember childhood? Yeah, it let you use these kinds of colors. 

                Elaine Sun is right. People are people. The only human signifiers are the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Now they truly mean something great, something dark. Sorry about the hurricanes. Everyone has hurricanes. When we get angry we take it out on others. We don’t mean it. We’re sorry. Wish people could stop hurting others for their problems. Hope someday we can all hug in a giant hug pile, free of malice. 12 emails is a lot of emails. Her ending ‘freaking kills it’. I like her sparse style. 

                Cassandra Gillig works at Hot Topic. I feel for her supervisor. Supervisors have it rough. Can’t imagine what it is like to have a position of power or authority. Feel that will probably never happen to me. Sheridan sounds nice but frazzled. The energy drink/no sleep/boozing lifestyle is a sad, lonely one. One of my friends wet his pants due to this extreme lifestyle. Her conversation with the Tool fan is amazing. I am the only one of my friends to never get into Tool. Hope she made the sale. Love her random comment that hooks him. 

                Alice May Connolly’s voice talks in my head as I read her poem. Her Skype/Tinychat/Ustream presence is enormous. I like how she says ‘mental’. Feel she says that a lot when she’s doing live streams or recorded streams. I can see her chasing a dog around. The way she writes is so positive. Wish more people had such positive feelings about their writing and life. Alice, reach out to those less happy than you in the alt lit community (re: everybody else basically). 

                Grace Gloria Denis is a classy artist. Look at her photo. It screams elegance. The pedestal represents the way we must put animals on a pedestal. Personally I think dolphins get too much attention. We ought to pay more attention to uglier, less mean creatures. Dolphins are out of control assholes. 

                Laura Marie Marciano shared this with me a few months ago. I am happy to see this is all its glory, shared with the public. Guests keep things interesting. Matthew dropped acid over 30 times. Either that makes him really interesting or really bored. People do drugs to make the mundane exciting. I already embrace the mundane. Bring on the nothing. Let me hug the stuffing out of nothing. Deep under all those layers is something truly beautiful. Laura wants to fatten him up through a Kickstarter campaign. She is afraid of sex. Wish we could her Matt’s voice. 

                Luna Miguel eats birds. I thought most poets were vegans. Clearly she is not. First she takes good care of her food. She brushes off the bird. Right before the bird sings its last song she devours it. It tickles her stomach. If you love something eat it I figure. That’s a good moral. Otherwise it’ll get away. Loved ones can’t nourish from afar so simply eat it. 

                Be patient. This is a big post. Stay tuned for part II of this very epic and rare release. It is the first of its kind.

CVLTS – Realiser 7.9

                CVLTS has fun on ‘Realiser’. This album relaxes me. It reminds me of so many happy movements. There’s something reassuring about how it slowly hovers around near-melodies. So much of it feels like half-completed ideas merging into a collective, unified whole. CVLTS has elements of psychedelic drone and pop in this album. ‘Realiser’ is something of a hybrid mixing the best of drone and chillwave into a cohesive whole. 

                Most of has a naïve charm to it. CVLTS appears to be enjoying itself by simply existing. These pieces are influenced by the more spaced out elements of chillwave, such as Ducktails’ experimental pieces. ‘Realiser’, the opening track, is such an example. In fact, there is precisely one track with a discernible beat ‘Brahma Weapons’. Here CLVTS appears to wake up from their hypnagogic slumber. It veers close to dream pop. Even the vocals suggest a large debt to those far-away dream pop vocals. A few of these tracks manage to create some truly moving moments, such as ‘Time Debt’ and the shoegaze-influenced ‘Sandstone Retreat’. My favorites are probably the moody slow-as-molasses ‘Freecasting’ and the playful ‘Suki’. 

                On Realiser CVLTS seem to bring together a lot of different genres. Most of it appears to gain influence from the electronic movements of the past few years, specifically that of the chillwave movement and the hypnagogic movement. Indeed, one could probably trace some of these origins to such musicians like James Ferraro. This is perfect, happy, sleepy music. It is completely clear about its intentions and the listener benefits from this clarity of vision.

Internet People IRL

                You’ve got to wake up pretty early in the morning to out-wake Peterbd. Or just do not drink heavily. Peter begins by showing off the surroundings. There is a pleasant woman in a photo making brownies. Outside there’s Shaun Gannon’s roommate’s motorcycle. We learn a little about the kind of alternative lifestyle they all lead.

                Shaun and DJ lead Peter to the Promised Land: Carolyn’s apartment. Carolyn bought a tote bag from Peterbd. Peter is literally ‘rolling in it’ since he converts all his money into coinage. They purchase alcohol for this is a poetry reading. You need alcohol at any reputable reading. We learn that not everyone at these readings purchases alcohol. Apparently Jackson and Carolyn are able to give birth to bottles of Vodka. That’s why they look sexual all the time. Buttercup looks sad because he lacks the ability to give birth to bottles of hard liquor. Jackson’s hat, Jae’s dress, man I feel completely out of it dress-wise. I need to purchase better threads. 

                Mike Bushnell applies makeup. DC police followed him while he made his way to the reading. I feel for him. Police follow me sometimes. They tell me to ‘hurry up’. I’m in no hurry. I got nowhere to go but to sleep. Otherwise I’m fine. All Mike Bushnell readings must involve large dollops of makeup. That’s sort of the ritual to truly understand what Mike does to accomplish his poetic goals. 

                Jackson read first. He has quite the Kiwi accent. I dig Jackson. Happy I met him. Hope I can meet him again at some undetermined point in the future. DJ is the most available bachelor on the internet. I can very easy to that winning smile. Mike takes readings seriously. He is intense. If you have that much face makeup on you has to be serious. Buttercup is a good reader. Glad to see he is translating his Tinychat presence well into IRL. Shaun Gannon is Shaun Gannon. Someday I will see him read. 

                Ustreams were made for the event. They had people from all over the world and country tuning in like Alice Connelly, Elaine Sun, and Maggie Lee. Christopher and Stacey both fed Peter alcohol. They are good people. I need to start emailing more people in exchange for boozing cruising. All of them head to the club after the reading, as it was their want. 

                Aaron Steely made it to the bar. I feel bad that I have never met Aaron. We are both lifeguards. I feel a sacred lifeguard bond with him. He seems very chill judging from his low-key internet presence. Happy Peter took a picture of the bathroom. It looks like they went to a fairly nice bar/club deal. DJ got ‘intoxicated’ via ‘the poet lifestyle’. Even though DJ wailed mercilessly on poor Jackson, Jackson carried him up. In fact, Jackson carried him up as they walked on the beach. That way Jackson could say ‘there is one set of footprints because when you could not walk, I carried you’. 

                These are intellectuals hence they eat at Plato’s diner. At Plato’s diner they ponder such metaphysical questions like ‘Pancakes or French Toast’ and ‘When does brunch officially begin’. Indeed the second question consumes my very soul for brunch. Buttercup leads them in (Satanic) prayer. I like the many pictures of an obscured Peterbd. My favorite part though: DJ’s coworkers thinking he’s a hipster. My coworkers think I am a complete hipster. I am though. I am okay with being branded. I sell my brand online. Hope Peter gets to meet some of the people who follow. I want Peter to ‘catch them all’ non-metaphorically speaking. 

Glad Peter thinks the previous night was worth talking about. Apparently it is worth blogging about too. Blog your life!

Illuminati Power Hour - #01

              Alt lit gets its first regularly scheduled program ‘Illuminati Power Hour’. Steve Roggenbuck is the host. I like to think of Steve Roggenbuck as the (insert your favorite late night comedian here) of alt lit. Glad I now have a way to start my week right. This show’s mere existence made me get my tubes tied: I’m talking my TV, my TV tubes. What can TV offer me now that I can see culture streamed live right to my very own home? Holy heck in a ham basket, vegan ham, not the whole ‘this little piggy went to market’ deal I’m excited. Words, they fail me at this precise moment.

                Dingos eat babies. We learn all about the joys of dingo life. Steve tells us that dingos are big death metal fans. Few know this but Steve is big into death metal. Or he used to be into death metal. I say Steve is more into ‘Life Metal’ now due to his positive lifestyle. We also learn the origin of his favorite term ‘truly’. This is truly a life-shattering experience. 

                We hear about Steve’s use of the word pop. That’s from his Midwestern roots. People think his use is ‘funny’ or ‘quirky’.  Midwest is coming up strong this summer. Steve is going to change it forever. Happy to see the Midwest is going to get Roggenlove. Also he will return to the East Coast (beast coast) reading out of a food truck. That’s going to be in New York City. I hope to get free food from this reading. Or the words alone could sustain me. 

                Pop Serial comes up. Steve talks about his diet. He likes Captain Crunch. I dig Captain Crunch so much. I love Captain Crunch’s Facebook fan page. Oh it is amazing. Please check it out. Normally I do not recommend companies but Captain Crunch is amazing. If I could run the Captain Crunch fan page I’d have my dream job. My other dream job: tweeting stuff at the Mountain Dew twitter account all day. Actually I do both without pay. 

                Chakras are boosted. Netflix will sponsor Steve in his later broadcasts. This is considered his ‘condensed’ version of a reading. Steve even structures it (rare). England is represented heavily by Steve. Joe Vaughn gets one of his pieces read, hardcore. Pretty happy that Steve is reaching out to the British audiences, making his brand go international. See Joe’s poem here. It rules so hard. Maybe the rain imagery is sexual Steve thinks aloud. 

                We hear of the wonderful places to submit to, like ‘Sadcore Dadwave’ and ‘Have you seen my Whale’. People have been singing the praises of these two places. Check both of them out. They are equally wonderful. Submit to them if you want to understand a little bit about the alt lit literary sub-sub-post-genre. It’ll do you good. 

                Good comes in many ways. Buy Steve’s book. He needs soda money and ramen money. Steve takes some of his books and reads the personalized messages. ‘Heckwad’ and ‘frickwad’ are his favorite personal messages. I cried a little bit after listening to these. If you order from him you are helping out a true artist. He also has a shout-out to one of my favorite online presences, Jennifer. She was my first Facebook fan and is a true friend of mine. 

                Crispin Best takes over the chat. I can’t believe how English he sounds. My ears can’t handle it. Hopefully in the future he ends up working for some new broadcasting company. There’s a serious earnestness behind his voice. His poems are beautiful. During his part of the broadcast I cried multiple times. It was beautiful. Narwhals watch Crispin grind a beautiful woman in the depths of the sea. He transforms into a multiple creatures. I doubt Crispin is YOLO. He has so many lives to live. Yet he knows the ‘YOLO’ hand symbol. 

                The two dance the night away to ‘Big Dog’ by Akon. Steve starts off the pilot to ‘Illuminati Power Hour’, the first syndicated alt lit show, to rave reviews. Wall Street Journal gave it three and a half stars out of four, calling it ‘Heartfelt, dark, and Mellow Yellow’. New York Times wrote positively about it, calling it ‘the best thing to come out of literature since that one thing we liked’. Entertainment Weekly stated ‘Give a buck to help out Roggenbuck’. He’s sponsored by viewers like you. See it right here forever and ever.

Mpala Garoo - Ou Du Monde LP 8.2

                What a strange ride. Mpala Garoo has a large array of influences: from the early, weird folk optimism of Animal Collective to a near-tropical summertime vibe. This is tribal surf rock. That’s the closest one can get to describe this incurably optimistic album. All of ‘Ou Du Monde’ appears to look out from the beach. Even the rhythms and loopy guitars make it abundantly clear: this is about the sun filtered through endless distortion pedals. 

                Little in the way of normal comes up on here. In some ways it is akin to Black Dice’s early, looped efforts without the loud noises. Everything here is inviting. Mpala Garoo edits everything perfectly, allowing both the A and B sides a great deal of consistency. Indeed, a number of times it feels less like individual songs and more like movements. The A side reflects a greater pop sensibility. For the A side Mpala flirts with pop structure without outright embracing it. Rather the melodies appear to simply drift away into nothing. Beats are found but in very minimal ways (there are no muffled kicks, snares, etc.). The closest Mpala gets to normal are bongo and shakers, reinforcing the tropical feeling of the pieces. ‘primiriirii’ with its expansive guitar is the best thing on the A side. 

                For the closing B side Mpala goes closer toward James Ferraro territory. It is almost drone-like in terms of its development. Out of all the pieces on the B side the colorful and rhythmic ‘fatu hiva feeling’ wins for its quick pace and evolution. The entire album though possesses this charm, this tactile quality. It’s a peaceful record for those rare perfect days.

Lift & Other Noise by Austin Islam

                Emo is narcissism. I thought that was the purpose of Emo. Why else would all those teenagers be into Emo? For the music, please, I got my Emo phase over with quite early in my life. Then I evolved into Post-Everything kind of bro. Austin shares this spirit with his ‘Post-Copyright’ instagram images. Instagram is a photo repository on the internet. People need to use those images for sharing instead of ‘oh cool I take pictures using antique camera’ nonsense.

                I like the ‘shout-outs’ section. A few people I know and don’t know get mentioned. He mentions Steve Roggenbuck. However, he also has a ‘catch-all’ for all those wonderful internet people. Internet people make me happy. No matter what I always have some internet citizens to rely on in my darkest days. Mostly that’s because internet people live in darkness. We fear light.

                The chapbook fears light too. Days get swallowed by fog. Feel sorry for those days. I want days to be bright sunshine. Hope the sun will come out, tomorrow. Sun helps hearts grow strong. I like his illusion to hearts as plants. Eventually hearts grow deep into one another. Hearts are the potatoes of the soul. They have eyes everywhere. Potatoes and hearts see what is beneath the surface. 

                 He loves the riffs. They sing Karaoke. You need hoarse vocal chords before you can truly participate in a Karaoke sing-off. Sing-off in karaoke refers to the singing ‘off-key’ that’s so popular in Karaoke these days, the Philippines excluded. Not sure what he’s doing with a clothes hanger over the toilet. Hope he develops pictures in the toilet. That is a good use of toilet water. 

                ‘Brewing Stan Getz smells’ is wonderful. I think of a really elite sort of coffee, the kind that master musician would really dig. From there he goes to ‘extreme pizza’ time and doing acid in a crashing plane. Hope he’s okay. Glad he found $20 on the beach. $20 can help him live the pizza life. He moves to the basement. That’s the official pizza time place. Basements also serve as an important part of the house for reflection. Suburban homes have basements solely for self-reflection, drinking, and video game playing. Usually all three occur simultaneously. 

                You are more than so many things, according to Austin. This poem I assume he wrote for his friend. She is more important than sawdust? That’s ridiculous. Sawdust is such a useful material. Holding fire in one hand is an employable skill. Dusty paint cans are valuable, almost as valuable as shredding paper into diamonds. 

                Wisdom teeth do not guarantee wisdom. I thought mine would. They grew into my jawline instead. For a while I couldn’t speak anymore. Perhaps my silence made me seem wise. I’m not sure. At least when I got my wisdom teeth out I could legally purchase alcohol. Ice cream and alcohol ease the pain of wisdom. Both ingredients together can help to create a beautiful, overly sensitive man-child. 

                Windows are the windows to the world. Look outside. See nature. Nature is better than any Super Bowl. I think nature is the ‘PBS’ of IRL. Everything else in life costs money or wants your money. All nature wants is to be left alone with only a handful of slow-moving old people to guard it against the rest of humanity. See Montana for further details. 

                Glad frat boys grow old. Sometimes I see frat boys and think ‘Do they just clone themselves over and over again’. It is strange that generation after generation there is that little variation. Red cups still exist. Giant, rambling homes filled with ‘party boys’ still exist, in roughly the same fashion. Are frat boys simply better at propagating themselves than the average person? I wonder. 

                It ends with Tumblr going down. Tumblr goes down quite often. Wish Tumblr had more self-confidence. Self-confidence could improve Tumblr’s performance. Either that or Tumblr could also have more servers. Tumblr votes Nickelodeon. Without Nickelodeon Tumblr has 45% less content to share. Childhood nostalgia fuels Tumblr. 

                Austin brings together multiple disciplines. The pictures complement the text and at times add to it. He takes up several different styles, spanning pages, tweet-sized, dialogue, and more conventional poetry. Once or twice he even dives into lyrics. ‘Lift and Other Noise’ is a wonderful quilt of everything internet poetry stands for.

Printed Book: Titled a Book on the Internet by Stephanie Cook

                Stephanie Cook loves campgrounds. A few people (all of them herself) state she is a ‘campground slut’ of sorts. That means she knows how to start fires, bake beans, survive in the wilderness, and earn merit badges. One of those merit badges is new: E-book. Her first e-book is out. Find it here. ‘Printed Book: Titled a Book on the Internet’ is aware it is online. You can print it out and staple it just like a real chapbook. Most of these are not typed out words, they are screenshots. I enjoy the screenshot poetry. Twitter and Facebook contribute to internet poetry. 

                The first poem is one of those popular ‘fan page poems’. It lingers. Austin Islam takes part in her book. But he’s by no means the only invited guest of the poem. Stephanie decides to invite many more into her unique poetry world, from Twitter. 

                Nerve endings bother Stephanie in the next poem. People call her names. This is life. I want to dissolve into couches. Couches are the laziest pieces of furniture. She binds with the Zen Couch. Nobody is born near the water anymore. Most are born in homes or hospitals. Wonder if ‘Baby floating down the river’ vibe will ever happen again. Floating down a river sounds great to me. I know beaches not river, swimming holes, or any of those other water forms. Canadians don’t float. It’s a rule. 

                IRL is a game. I like the LOL Cats definition on Urban Dictionary. The internet gets many shout-outs in this short little chapbook. Next to the definition is a picture of a sad Stephanie. She cries in her apartment. Wish people didn’t cry so much. I want things to improve. Maybe things will never improve the way we want them to, guess that’s why hugs exist. Hugs comfort us. Hugs show that someone else cares enough about people to prevent worry over their shoulder getting damp.

                Breadsticks are yummy. It’s okay to eat the last one. That does not make you a bad person. I feel a lot of feelings. I scare easily. On the internet nothing scares me. I’m a big tough sloth online. I only boost people on the internet. Build, don’t destroy. 

                Feel sad seeing the ‘tweet @’ me section. I like it when people tweet at me. That is a great thing. It shows the followed how beloved they are or how people truly understand them. Eventually basshats responds. Online it can be difficult to determine what to respond to and what not to. I try to respond to most things. Responding makes me feel better. She ends it with 666, Satan’s area code. 

                I like this e-book, chapbook, whatever you call it. Hope she continues to build up her online presence. Want her to bring more of these out. This may be one of the first few e-books to use that wonderful, weird, and wacky tag poem stuff. Hope it isn’t the last e-book from her.

Moooooooooom by Buttercup McGuillicuddy, Stacey Teague, and Willis Plummer

                Three people, two countries, one idea: replace the sound of three goats who want their mothers. I like animal affection. Animals have mothers too. Goats are renowned for these cheese producing, tin can eating, and lawn maintenance skills. Personality wise goats are unbearable, constantly annoyed, making them ideal suburban residents. Happy these three focus on the tender side of baby goats.

                Emotions go away. The first poem shows what happens when emotions combine. Someday I hope emotions can become smoothies. Wonder what kind of smoothies my emotions would make. If I am a sour mood, lemon smoothies, a sad mood, blueberry, a joyful mood, passion fruit, would be a few of the delicious treats I could serve out of my brain. Feel this would encourage cannibalism and zombie-ism and I’m okay with such an outcome. 

                Camels are not affectionate creatures. Hangovers create clarity. I rarely experience hangovers. Sloths tend not to stay out too late. The aspect about how hangovers create a rare ‘annoyance yet contentment’ is perfect. Get cartographers to map out your emotional states is ideal. Why do all that heavy lifting? Leave it to the experts. 

                Whales come up. Whales are the lonely bloggers of the sea. Krill pours into their mouths. They are extremely sensitive writers. If a whale fails to get more than 15 re-tweets per tweet, they quit twitter. Those are known as ‘fail whales’. Only a few whales manage to uphold any consistent twitter presence. Whales dream of dreaming. In their daydreams they are asleep dreaming of real dreams. 

                I have a hard time picking out who wrote what. I have only met one person out of the three. Buttercup is responsible for the ‘coffee ass coffee’ poem. Let me state I bet 5 re-tweets that he wrote this very poem. He says ‘sweet’ a lot since he is enthused with all things life-related. 

                All three of them go into ‘Thought Catalog’ mode. That means lists. Everybody knows Thought Catalog is famous for its many, many lists. I think about how my food looks. My food needs to look scandalous and seductive. I put googley eyes on it to create that effect. Another one wants all books and credit for all books. Sorry, that’s a tall order. Feel bad for one of them. They forgot what they wanted to tweet. That’s the worst feeling in the world. I carry a notepad around at all times to avoid such problems. Don’t worry. To not achieve life goals is no big deal. People do it all the time. Failing to achieve life goals is better known as life. 

                Tinychat takes lives, IRLs. Don’t worry. Living in real life sucks. Stay online. Read things. Learn things. I never learn anything unless I read it online first. That’s a fact. Everyone on the internet is my best friend. Relationships on Tinychat are strong. Due to distance there is little chance of ‘ruining’ a scene re: falling out. That doesn’t happen anymore thanks to things like different ‘time zones’, ‘continents’, ‘cities’ and ‘states’. 

                Internet relationships can transform into ‘IRL relationships’. Look how this was created. How many of these people have met/will meet? I think maybe 2 out of the 3 (Willis and Buttercup). Maybe if Stacey comes to America she will meet everybody by doing a US tour. Hope it is someday possible to import all New Zealanders into this great big country of ours. 

                Overall I really like this e-book. I am happy to see these three working together. These are three of my favorite online presences. Since this is a blog and not a simple e-book I have hope for more. Can’t wait to meet all three of them IRL one day.

Satanic Summer: An Evening of Bizarro and Alt Lit Readings

                Steve Roggenbuck is post-applecore. Do I even need to explain what that means? It is obvious. According to an online interview held on a Facebook comment, Steve stated ‘when people look back on my lief work, they wil refer to "pre johnny appleseed comment" / "post johnny apple seed comment" this is a turneing poitn in my lief’. Clearly Steve’s life changed the moment this comment dropped like a bag of red-hot, delicious apples forged in the pits of the most hellish hell. They are satanic apples. 

                Alt lit stripping came up. Stripping follows childhood. Two people came up as alt lit strippers: Matt Margo and Gabby Gabby. Only one emerged. It was amazing. Gabby won. I am proud of Gabby. Her online presence is positive. She uses her powers for good. I am excited about her ‘Illuminati Girl Gang’ release coming out soon. Please look for it. It will change your life.

                Bradley Sands read first. I like him. He’s bizarro. The bald head and glasses really complete his persona. Love his style. Some of the viewers were like ‘OMG I love him’. Most of those viewers were me. A waitress touches his arm in a diner. Bradley’s titles are strange things. They give a hint of the weird, but nothing as strange as the story. Giraffes and the hit series ‘The Tudors’ come together in one story. It is beautiful. David Lynch directs a Muppet movie ‘The Muppets take the Inland Empire’. When kids talk about getting wasted from literature, they talk about Bradley Sands. Bradley’s reading made me drunk off weird. 

                Keegan Crawford came up. Alt lit is represented by Keegan. Death relieves stress. I like how he set the Crayola factory on fire. He read a list of colors. The simplicity is funny. For a while he read from his twitter feed. Tweet readings are a big, growing thing. The ending of his reading was fantastically tender. 

                Cameron Piece is one of those ‘bizarro’ readers. You can tell. Suitcases contain cat sweaters. 500 sweaters for his Rupert are ideal. I like the flub of Shakespeare, this is manly stuff. The book talks about living in the middle of the woods, writing poems, and hanging out with a cat. Bananas appear to take up a large part of his writing. Narwhals are funny. Audiences adore narwhals. Now you know. ‘Where my narwhals at?’ Cameron exclaimed. 

                Diana appeared. I dig Diana a lot. This is rare. I have read all of Diana’s work. She is one of the few writers I consider myself ‘familiar with’. She wears PJs. For the first couple minutes she read about dead people. Romance appeared out of the death. Love the death life. Her heart wants to bust out of her chest. She may have an alien living in there. Rural life and rural love are compatible except for the whole texting thing. 

                Mykle Hansen told everyone he was drunk. He suggested if he ended up being a bad reader you could throw things at him. Satan was with Mykle. It is heavy into the bizarro. Bizarre pop references are woven into the book’s DNA. ‘Dark Clambait’ won the Oscar for best Stephen King movie. Stephen King comes up a lot in the book. Dates are tough for Mykle. ‘Let’s go to the hospital and unplug things’ – the best line of the whole reading. Dig the ‘horror stories for toddlers’. Things go down from there. Carrie tortures the poor man very erotically. He’s really funny. ‘She called me pet names – like Cretin’. After a while she started to stop torturing him. 

                Steve Roggenbuck freaking ended it. The amount of energy he brought was ridiculous. For a moment he discussed the darkness of his video blogs. Crunk Juice was read. Unholy fruits are grown in hell. ‘Dead Girl you are dead’. Satan helps Steve’s poetry. Blood chokes Steve. That is really satanic. I like how Steve integrates the online with the offline. Steve loves birds more than humans. Poems are determined by darkness. Illuminati chapters are set up across the country Steve explained. Bieber came up in the reading since this is Steve freaking Roggenbuck. Romance busts itself out of the darkness. Darkness can only exist with the light. New poems were brought out. Steve brings out the ‘new poetry’ from Spokane, Washington. These were rather lovely poems. He fricks like crazy. Feel Steve can use poetry as a strange series of pickup lines. 

                Of course it ends with a 666. Satan rules summertime.