The Beachies

Wow, when I started my life as a blogging sloth I never knew I’d be around over two whole years later. 2012 was a strange year for me. Things are currently wild in my little animal kingdom. 2012 is the year of the alt lit.

Alt lit has an incredible work ethic. Some of these writers put out a high quality product each and every year. While I’d love to simply nominate everyone for an award I can’t quite do that. I’m a sloth. It is hard being a sloth with all these things happening around me. I wish I could blog harder, like every hour of every day. To do that I’d need serious cash or something, or the ability to live in an abandoned building somewhere, like a literary squat. As Baltimore has plenty of those I guess I could figure it out. 

Either way consider this an incomplete list of people I’ve been personally enjoying for a little while this year. Hopefully some of these will be new, not all of them will be. What I try to do with my ‘heroic’ (Chris Dankland’s words, not mine) blogging is to support others. This year that changed a little bit with people supporting me by buying my chapbook or T-shirts. Try as I might it is a hard thing to accurately describe exactly how much that helps me out. So to everyone who has helped me out I really thank you for it.

Without further ado I present the winners of 2012’s ‘Beachies’ awards. Having this on Spreecast means I can actually read these out this year. I’m excited to do it. Check out the Spreecast line if possible. Hopefully Spreecast doesn’t delete this ‘once in a lifetime’ opportunity.

 Best Alt Lit Dad- Greg Santos’s work is particularly gentle, silly, and charming. In other words it basically appeals to all of my senses. Anybody who meets him will meet a kind, considerable, and gentle spirit. His work reflects this with an emphasis on the sweeter side of things, think ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ of alt lit. With his simultaneous simple sentiments emphasizing a deeper understanding, I like Greg Santos a lot. He earned it. 

Coolest Steff- Stephanie Graff Uh, yeah she’s cool as heck dumbass. 

Best Plume of Smoke- Chris Dankland 

Best Brutalist- Penny Goring - never mess with Penny Goring, ever.

Best German - Marcus Speh

Best Insomniacs - NAP is really ironically named. They kept me busier than any other publication this year. I want to thank them for keeping the quality high, oh so high. 

Alt Lit Writer of the Year – Gabby Gabby – do I think Gabby Gabby has a promising ass-future? Yes I do. From humble origins as just another online persona into a full blown IRL Target employee, Gabby Gabby has won my heart with her sweet tales recounting driving a big truck down the highway, telling people where to find tampons, and other grand moments. 

Best West Virginian (male) - Scott McClanahan – I dig Scott’s work. There’s a part of Collected Works of Scott McClanahan that I read and re-read because it just made me laugh out loud, about the NASCAR drunken fools. Part touching, part ridiculous, and all parts fresh, Scott’s a good man.

Best West Virginian (female) – Jae Dyche is the ultimate West Virginian I fully respect. Her work, unlike Scott’s, is much more brutal. Those who mess with Jae Dyche will be taken ‘the fuck’ out. Plus she has style for miles. Nobody dresses as good as her. I’m jealous. I’m a sloth though. 

Best Alt Lit Ebook – I AM PETERBD – Peterbd is the best friend I never knew I had. He’s great. What Peterbd writes in this EBOOK is pretty danged funny. Also it remains one of the few times I’ve ever gotten a shout-out in a written piece of work. 

Best Use of Lorrie Moore - lorrie moore’s first draft by Serge Astapkov – Nobody has ever met Serge. His work is strong, really strong. Check him out on Shabby Doll House. 

Best Sketchy Moments - Joseph Moore – he whispered this at a reading. A handful of people could hear him. He’s good. He’s really good. SKETCHY MOMENTS IN 2012 PT 1-3 is super creepy the aftereffects of being an out of control person who is completely in control. 

Best Alt Lit Online Mag – Sadcore Dadwave – Dads got to get their sad on. Sian Rathore is considerably more British than I am. 

Best Crispin – Crispin Best 

Best time spent on a beach – trip to Far Rockaway. One person knows what I am talking about. This award is for them. They will remain nameless. 

Most Memorable Pieces - D. M. Aderibigbe has appeared in Up and has released in a few other places as well. His work tends to get stuck in my head. There’s something he does with language that simply jams into my noggin. I mean this as the greatest form of flattery. 

Best Alt Lit Playwright – Olivia Lilley has an upcoming play that is going to rock everyone’s socks off. Those with sandals, their lives will be over after this play. 

Best Alt Lit Goth Girl – Dianna Dragonetti is so Goth she’s practically post-Goth. Yet her writing will scare the bejesus out of you. One moment there will be you sleeping, the next a dead person in bed with you. 

Best Alt Lit Spreecast – Gilbert Morgan. This is obvious. Apparently I enable Gilbert Morgan. I’m more than happy to do it. 

Part Two is coming right at you! Prepare yourselves!