Hipster Jesus Unicorn

                I was born a hipster Jesus Unicorn. That’s why I’m so fanatically in support of this young, hustling publication. Many have waited with baited breath for the second installment. Originally many weeks ago it kept on being pushed back. A few (myself) called this the ‘Tomboy of Alt Lit magazines’. Without any independent verification it was unclear when it would be release. Then, one lazy Friday afternoon, there it was, in all its glory. 

                Murdoch Lamarche offers a rare glimpse into his late-night life sponsored by AT&T. 2 AM is the late afternoon for alt lit. Go online at that time to witness various ‘liking’ and ‘@-ing’ fests. Carnegie children have it made. There are many things we can do to improve the world. Entertainment usually gets in the way of self-improvement. Art is just too captivating. 

                Kellie Hogan has a thing for Louis Stevens. Chic-fil-A pays her good money for making ice. Making a superior milkshake to bring all the boys to her yard is a side-gig. Politics and religions play an important part in chicken business. Wish I knew more but I have never eaten at Chic-fil-A because I generally avoid fast food. Vicki and Jasmine intersect Kellie’s life. Or maybe they are parallel. It is hard to tell. I’m bad at math. 

                Daniel Alexander wants to get a college degree for non-existent majors. Since none of these fantastic majors are offered he’ll probably go for liberal arts majors. Look at the rooftops. Think about all the people beneath those structures. You’ll never meet any of them but from far away they look so interesting. 

                Michael Andrew begins it tastefully. This view depends on how consuming one’s ‘special regions’ fills. According to Michael she feels alone despite the level of attention. Scent of spring and a dial tone sounds like a pretty spiffy house to me. 

                Tyler Langlois keeps a bookmark on his browser for old times’ sake. I do that too. Facebook pages are off limits to me now. Wish I could see how my old friends are doing but I’m a different person now and they are not. Hugging for 48 consecutive hours is love. That’s what love is. Others think it involves the exchange of money or something. As someone who never has money, I know that’s a bunch of malarkey. Fall kills poor leaves. Wish the leaves could be in a constant state of decay, just like people. But such a thing is impossible. 

                Chase Kersey understands the Earth and Sun will be one. They can flirt for only so long. From afar they watch each other, wanting to be together. Yet space forces them to keep their distance. A giant explosion of love will come from the sun, engulfing our silly little planet. 

                 Austin Islam attends a wedding. Wild turkey is a crazy-ass turkey. Hope Austin didn’t get too messed up by the turkey. Home is where the heart is but I don’t know where my heart is anymore. Somebody probably has it and forgot to return it.

                Winky Luftlecker built an orgasm machine. Think this is usually called ‘internet porn’. $320 sounds a bit steep for such a device. Joy shouldn’t cost a thing. It is better when it is simple, uncomplicated. At least Winky experienced a contentment I’ve never felt. I have yet to pet a guinea pig. 

                Joe Bussiere takes a hostile view of theology. The internet is a new religion. Nobody gets hurt from the internet. Rather it serves as an outlet from some of the harsher experiences of real life: work, careers, ambitions, is laid to rest before one enters the internet. How to internet is one of the most important skills in today fast-growing social-media-o-sphere. 

                Marty McAndrews writes a sad tale. Missing others is what makes us human. We need people to show us the way, to validate our own existence. Hermits are becoming less and less of a thing. By now though most hermits probably live in a city where they never have to engage with others on a regular basis. I feel cities are where I always feel alone. Yet this is probably a city’s largest draw for me. 

                Moon Tzu stands in the back in a sad party. What does pretentious even mean? I feel that accusation tends to be ill-informed. Why aren’t sports fans ever called pretentious? Pretentious seems to be associated with traditional ‘high-end’ cultural aspects of literature, music, and television. I want to call sports fans pretentious. For the finale he has three haikus about the cycles of life. 

                Pamilton Sky sees some messed up streetlights. The only things that sharpen teeth should be wholesome, not the light. Life is a puzzle. We are pieces. It is a work in progress always unfinished. After we pass away our problems become other people’s problems. It is the cycle of scheduled payments, of loans, debt, events, showcases, etc. At the ending she has maggots in her teeth and gets applause for it. This is why I’m not a performer. 

                Moon Temple is hella sad. That is okay. Everybody gets sad. Without sadness we would never have gladness. Keep your hair in your head if possible. Wish I wasn’t bald. I miss my hair. People with hair have it made. 

                It has been many weeks but they are back. Prepare yourself for the second coming of Hipster Jesus Unicorn.