Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Mostly Font Size 48 by Ana Carrete

                 Glad to see fonts are getting their own genre. I thought Steve Roggenbuck was the only guy doing this, dedicating chapbooks to fonts with his now-famous book ‘Download Helvetica for Free’. Ana doesn’t mess around. Much of the chapbook is indeed in font size 48. And the book feels somewhat similar to ‘Pinky Promise Me This’ only more internets focused.

                The first line proclaims Ana’s addicted to the internet. Good job Ana, acceptance is the first step. I don’t think I’m addicted to the internet though. No I only have my entire life on it. Plus I occasionally sleep. I also can’t check the internet while I shower, so that’s already a third of my day away from the internet. Feel I’m pretty ‘free’ of the internet’s siren call. Or maybe I am the siren. 

                I do get upset being away from the internet for so long. I remember January. January was a ‘rough time’ without the internet. I couldn’t even tweet for days. I had some really good tweets too, tweets gone forever, out of mind. So when Ana says she acts like an asshole when away from the internet I believe her. She seems really nice but then I only know her from the internet. Offline Ana Carrete may be an ‘out-of-control’ asshole. Hope that’s not the case but I can neither confirm nor deny her self-imposed accusation.

                She wants to visit people. She wants to visit you. You probably lack money. Actually, if you’re interested in alt lit you definitely lack money. Any wealthy alt lit writers please send me large sums of money. I need money. But I agree with Ana. It isn’t the first thing I check in the morning. If I checked my money in the morning that would be a bleak wake-up call so I avoid it. It only declines anyway. Normally I check if anybody re-tweeted me, followed me on twitter, and did something ‘Facebook-ish’ on my Facebook or re-blogged me. These are things likely to happen. 

                Nobody is standing or sitting behind me. Yet Ana flirts with them. Can’t believe Ana does that, flirts with ghosts. Ana is the ghost-winker. I generally don’t flirt with ghosts because they generally lack the ability to buy me food/drinks. Also they are dead. Dead people suck. Ana states she’s not a playa, but I don’t know. Ghost flirting generally means you are a playa. 

                Peeing doesn’t have to be better than the internet. You can bring your laptop to the bathroom. I don’t understand this part. Why does Ana need to leave her computer behind when she pees? Ana needs a laptop.  When you have the internet on a laptop you can have the internet anytime. The internet is a cult that requires large amounts of time in exchange for little to no money. 

                I am happy Ana Carrete internet high-fived me. All the smiley faces embedded in the poetry is wonderful. It makes me smile and I’m not an easy smile. At the very end Ana states ‘Thanks for reading’. To which my reply is: ‘Thanks for creating this chapbook Ana!’


  1. thanks beachie <3
    of course i never take my laptop to the bathroom
    but most times i take my phone with me so i guess i'm a liar
    i take my iphone and check everything but i prefer my laptop because facebook mobile sucks etc
    i'm a playa
    how did you get that pic

    1. You're welcome Ana.
      I figured you were a playa.
      I got the photo from the good people at 'Alt Lit Gossip'.