Susie Anderson comes to America

                Susie arrived in America via ustream. The beginning part of ustream involved filming a plane touching down in America’s capitol, Washington, D.C. It looked like the beginning of that film “Stranger than Paradise”.  While Washington isn’t the poetry capital (that’s Chicago) it is still a start. Having Australia’s poetry ambassador come to Washington may motivate the city to do a bit literature-wise. 

                Jess Dutschmann started the reading with life-changing tweets about Justin Timberlake. Justin Timberlake hasn’t come out with an album for five years. Guess he’s been spending a lot of time lately posting anonymously on the internet. Perhaps he’s even posted under an alias online, as a sloth, because no one could believe he might be interested in alternative literature and culture. Maybe people should realize Justin Timberlake finds Tao Lin’s work awe-inspiring.

                DJ Berndt, a cool bro, spoke about living in a nice house with a dog and a lawn. The poem was about selling insurance. Surveys make up a large part of his insurance salesman’s life. I wondered when the salesman will finish all of his surveys. People called him very smart. Having a sharp mind has helped him become well-respected in his overworked profession. 

                A poet from West Virginia, Jae Dyche, found a great rocking chair. Her poem dealt with her boyfriend. Intersex was one of my favorite words in the poem or it could have been intersects. I’m not sure; the poem had to do quite a bit about math. The second poem about her boyfriend discussed his foot fetish. 40s of Budweiser came up in another one, the beverage of choice for those lucky enough to be at the reading. Just kidding, they drank Blue Moon and PBR, as they are super-cool.

                I learned about people’s favorite sitcoms. Jess showed the room the best looking tie I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Once everyone had calmed down Jess began reading once more, reading some adorably sweet poem. Feeding the pigs, reading the new age, doing backstroke, this was a tender poem. 

                Shaun Gannon showed up wearing his excellent outfit. By now everyone knows the yellow sweater jacket that is his copyrighted attire. The first poem was about conspiracy theories. Oddly he didn’t raise his voice. For the second poem he began with some extremely mundane events before diving into goofy surrealism.

                The Australian poetry ambassador (Susie Anderson) began. Everyone was excited. No one had ever seen her read from the Northern Hemisphere but on Saturday, November 19, 2011 that all changed. While she read her poetry she smiled gallantly. People were going wild online. At the physical location the crowd was quiet, deep in its admiration of her oratory skill. 

                Allison Wyss, a member of the elite crew of MFA people, read an emotionally charged poem from her Apple computer. This was a sad poem. She goes to class with the excellent host Carolyn De Carlo who read next. 

                Carolyn DeCarlo read from her Metazen poem. Wearing a sweater that drove Steve Roggenbuck wild, she used her vocal inflection to seduce the entire viewership. Next she read her poem from her excellent collaborative chapbook with Jackson Nieuwland one of New Zealand’s tallest poets. “Jobs” was a pretty funny poem. It explored how hand jobs and blowjobs are not so different after all. Maybe one day all forms of sexual jobs can hold hands or whatever they use in a great circle of peace. 

                Michael Michael Motorpsychle jumped out of seemingly nowhere and began reading. In the poem a bunch of people got shot by shotguns. Getting shot by a shotgun seems bleak. The next one talked about girly magazines and sex, so it ended up balancing out. Somehow those two things were complimentary. 

                Lucky us: we saw Megan Boyle. I’d never seen Megan Boyle besides on the internet, in those MDMA films, and on Facebook (Facebook is the internet squared). Hearing her read from her best-selling book was great. The reading made me re-read the book again. Megan Boyle’s voice gave it a whole other level of humor to it. In my mind I had an entirely different depiction of how she would speak. Glad I got to witness this once in a lifetime ustream event. 

                Anna followed. “Wednesday hump day” discussed the brutal days of working. I wonder if laser cats can be zombies. Carolyn stated Anna is an MFA. What Carolyn failed to mention is how great Anna’s voice would be, I wasn’t prepared for it. 

                People took a break. Confusion followed. I kind of wish I had gone to this bathroom orgy reading. Guess my education got in the way of hedonistic reading sessions. This hurts my heart. Wish I had gone in hindsight. Next time I may attend. 

                Katie read. I couldn’t tell if this was Katie or not. Perhaps it wasn’t Katie. Her face was obscured by some mysterious mask. After the reading she might be going to a party at Carolyn’s place, a party which no ustream could possibly capture. Some of these poems were quite old, a few of them going all the way back to 2000. Like fine wine it aged well and made me drunk off of its words. I’m happy to know YUPPIES are afraid of the poem. 

                Duo readings started. Jess and Michael stood together at attention. They wrote it together using the Google Documents application. Finally people have decided to use Google Docs for good instead of last-minute disorganized reports. I’m happy to see Jess and Michael co-existing in peace and comfort. One of the poems “Ice” was unfinished yet blew my mind in eighty different ways. 

                Susie returned to us to read one of Stacey Teague’s poems. Those of you unaware Stacey and Susie are best friends forever. Actually I’ve covered her dinosaur-related poems before. I enjoy her dinosaur poems quite a bit, they are absolutely adorable. Not sure how Stacey’s work is received in New Zealand but in the United States her work is revered. Having a T-Rex love its child is great, as is the threat of eating its own children, like those sweet ass hamsters.

                “Mercenary Soldier” came up, read by the exciting Jae. Jae’s hair looked pretty excellent as did a bottle of liquor in one hand. The voice was loud. Apparently the piece had served Jae well as a part of her MFA lifestyle. 

                 The ever popular DJ Berndt stood up ready to spread some sweet-ass knowledge. I told him I loved him. He did a heart symbol with his hands and began his reading. A volcano came up in the poem covering everyone with filth. 

                Long luxurious hair entered the screen. It belonged to none other than Megan Boyle. She read a great poem written by William Smith, a famous rapper. “Getting jiggy with it”, for those unaware, was a song which changed the planet. If any song could create world peace it would be this one.

                A short story came up about an evil man. This evil man wanted to write a story. He enjoyed talking to Jenny, a hot babe. Jenny in the story is based off of Jackson Nieuwland and the evil man is Carolyn. I’m not sure if this is true or not, at least this is what alt lit gossip stated. 

                Reading about the life of the suburbs was Allison Wyss. Giant boobs were mentioned. Boobs were a bouncing.  Spandex was mentioned as well. Asphalt went by quickly. Skateboarders followed. Everything the poem blurred by in some gorgeous display. Vibrations juiced through the person. Whoever this cyclist is I want to meet them and hang out with them. 

                Short fiction came to us from Michael, that guy so nice they named him twice. And they also misspelled his last name motorcycle but whatever. He read passionately from a phone far more sophisticated than what I have. While we waited for a certain DJ Berndt Allison jumped up and began shout poetry at us. 

                By the end everyone became too drunk to speak. Instead we were treated to loud thumping music, Zachary German in a tub, and assorted random nonsense. It was good.