Monday, August 29, 2011

Zachary Whalen is ‘Shallow’

                Zachary Whalen is some poor Canadian kid. I think he lives in Victoria, Canada a part of Canada I’ve never visited. How he earns money is beyond my comprehension. I think he works. Could be wrong about that judging from his prolific web-based life, I’m not sure. Probably Canada doesn’t offer poets that much to do so they have to get day jobs. My idea is Zachary Whalen works at a canning factory. Every day he throws a stuffed animal into a can allowing for the novelty of opening a can to receive teddy bear satisfaction. Any rejected cans Mr. Whalen fills up with beans, heats up and eats alone as he stares at the bleak and oddly tidy Canadian landscape. 

                Today life got a little less bleak for Zachary. He’s created another blog (called “Shallow”), making his total blog count only 49 different blogs, Tumblrs, email addresses and twitters. It’s a big step. Contributors brought their A game, or rather, Mr. Whalen recruited what he thought was ‘simply the best the internet had to offer’. Most of the internet doesn’t live in Canada especially the writing poetic kind. Zachary’s only fellow Canadian poet is Frank Hinton who again suffers from her geography. I wonder if the two have ever met but considering the size of Canada and apparent mysteriousness of both entities I’m assuming the answer is “No”.

                Ana C. (of NewWaveVomit fame) contributes the first piece. It could be the last piece I’m left unaware of any attempt to organize the poems chronologically. She says to her life “fuck my lonely life”. Considering how many poets she helps and how she recently hosted the hit internet poet Stephen Tully Dierks I don’t see how she could be lonely. 

                Of course Stephen Tully Dierks presents some work up in here. Wherever Ana C. is, Stephen Tully Dierks is bound to follow. I consider Ana and Stephen to be very similar in terms of output and encouragement. Each one keeps close tabs on the literary scene. Together they make up a literary strip mall. At either Stephen’s “Pop Serial Site” or Ana’s site you get a wide selection of literature at affordable prices. “Life is a dehydrated gazelle slowly expiring in bed” represents frustration with old cultural artifacts. Fuck Star Wars. Fuck “Going up to the Country”. I really like you girl. 

                Excerpts appeared on “Shallow”. Not any excerpts mind you, but excerpts from Megan Boyle’s anticipated hit book “Selected Unpublished Blog Posts of a Mexican Panda Express Employee”. Yeah, she’s busted out the cover, with a beautiful looking Luna Miguel profile shot. Now we see exactly what all the ‘hub-bub’ is about. I won’t spoil it for you. Suffice to say, it involves a toothpick, a vat of pudding, and pillows. Be excited. I am. 

                Shallow is off to a great start. I hope Zachary Whalen continues to exceed his geographic limitations through his massive web-based presence. Perhaps someday he’ll stop filling cans with pre-made stuffed animals. But that day is far off in the future.  


  1. "Today life got a little less bleak for Zachary."

    no it didnt

  2. Today life remained just as bleak as it had been for Zachary if not bleaker.

  3. :D Nice job Beach Sloth. shallow is off to a great start! hooray zwhales!

  4. Thank you DJ. I agree. Shallow is pretty deep.