Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Advertising on Beach Sloth

                Today on this old Blog I have a special announcement: I am offering advertising up to whoever is interested. By no means is this going to dramatically change much of anything. After a few years of pouring my heart and scroll into this fine invention I’m ready to take things to the next level. 

                Advertising is in a few forms. Anybody interested in advertising can feel free to contact me at the following address:


                I use that address exclusively for anything payment or Beach Sloth business related. That address proved to be infinitely helpful whenever I have sold T-shirts or chapbooks. Anybody can buy either of those things from me still. 

                T-shirts, Buttons, Etc. go here.
                Chapbooks go here.
                Patreon (NEW) go here.

                I offer a few things for advertising purposes. As the blog is now an increasingly smaller part of what I do I also offer other places to advertise:

                My Twitter
                My Tumblr

                My advertising efforts have already begun prior to this post. Nobody has noticed yet so I figured now would be a great time to take things to the next level. Whoever is interested in advertising through any of my online platforms can do so. Simply email me, let me know what you need, what sort of prices you would be willing to pay, and what kind of advertising you are hoping to do (music, literature, other products, etc.). 

                Thus far my advertising efforts have been pretty successful since they have reinforced rather than taken away from what I have already done. Beach Sloth is a huge passion project for me. I hope to continue doing exactly what I love doing on all platforms. This project has taken on a life of its own. My initial estimate for the length of Beach Sloth was a year, tops, maybe two years. Now it is close to entering its fourth year, hence my desire to try and make this more sustainable for me. 

                Note that I am going to continue this Blog for the indefinite future. There is no specific end in sight for this site. I want to continue doing this with the least amount of interruption possible. I am infinitely thankful for everything everyone has managed to do for me. I have received great support for this project which is why it has continued this long. 

                Whoever is interested in simply donating me money (through the kindness of their heart) can do so via my PayPal account: pleasepaybeachsloth@gmail.com I will continue to blog for you. That is a promise.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Beach Sloth - It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside it’s what’s on the internet that counts 11.0

                Among the masterpieces of the world Beach Sloth’s debut poetry collection is the best. Other forms of art are stupid compared to what Beach Sloth has effortlessly accomplished in his debut poetry publication. Writers yearn to truly navigate the depths of the human soul the way an anonymous dad sloth does with absolute ease. Throughout the collection Beach Sloth goes from hilarious to tragic in mere fractions of an inch. Of course this may be due to the font size but it is a grand testament to Beach Sloth’s powers as a highly blogging entity that his work appears to be perfected within these hallowed pages. 

                Trees give their lives for books but usually those books are not as good as Beach Sloth’s debut poetry collection. Few things can be. Beach Sloth has for years, nigh decades, supported people. His credo of “Support Each Other” can be felt throughout the surprising debut poetry collection. At times dark and touching Beach Sloth’s debut poetry collection takes a different approach from his actual blogging material. Yes the playfulness is still there. Yet there is specific commentary on some of the people that Beach Sloth truly cares for both people he has encountered and people he grew up with. For limiting the collection to random strangers, while fitting his blog’s aesthetic, is thrown aside for a more personal approach. 

                What is most interesting about Beach Sloth’s debut poetry collection is the dearth of sloths. Throughout the collection Beach Sloth fails to mention much in the way of actual sloths. Maybe this is because Beach Sloth feels it is too painful to reflect upon growing up in a human’s world as a mere sloth covered in algae hanging off of trees. Currently few are interested in the secret lives of sloths excluding the valiant efforts of a select few biochemists who realize that sloth algae could provide a plethora of life-extending and life-improving pharmaceuticals. 

                Until such time as scientists are able to cure common ailments using sloth back algae, there is Beach Sloth’s debut poetry collection. Sure maybe Beach Sloth’s debut poetry collection will be unable to cure the common cold but it can improve the spirit and isn’t that just as good, if not better? There is a lot of harshness in life a lot of people who feel like doing it alone. Life does not need to be that way. People are social creatures and with Beach Sloth’s debut poetry collection people will feel closer together. And that is better than any medicine. 

                Go HERE to learn more about the importance of Beach Sloth’s debut poetry collection,how to order, and how to have a fun time in general. 

Note for Book Price: While I have a 'pay what you want' feature I would say that the minimum suggested price for the book is $13 US/Canada, $18 International (I figure I am going to be sending a lot of stuff internationally).

Monday, July 27, 2015

Beach Sloth is creating Blogs

                Beach Sloth is a project I created officially on July 27th, 2010. I love blogging about people. There is so much culture to explore and support. Ever since I began Beach Sloth I have not needed a TV for anything. My life has been fulfilled seeing what wonderful pieces of work made it online into my browsers, my emails, my PDFs, my videos, and my music. Honestly thanks to Beach Sloth I have been exposed to more culture than I could ever possibly wrap my arms around. 

                That is why I created a Patreon account. I could use a few sponsors to help me meet my monthly expenses which are pretty small. I live frugally. At this point I do not need much to survive since I have cut down what I consider my needs. What I do know that I need, what I am passionate about, is all the wonderful people I have reviewed on this blog. Countless individuals that I have been fortunate enough to meet have become incredibly close friends, the kinds of friends that I can confide in and treat just like those people I have met in person.

                Financial support for Beach Sloth gives me a reason to spend a greater amount of time on auxiliary aspects of the project. Already I have released an e-book through Amazon, a chapbook I printed myself, an album free for download, an e-book released for free through Peanut Gallery Press (which has been favorably mentioned by Dennis Cooper), and a book through Dig That Book Co. So I try to keep Beach Sloth as active as I possibly can. 

                Everything I create for the blog shall continue to be free. I have great plans for Beach Sloth, including an eventual full-length book, another full-length album offered free of charge, and smaller e-books and chapbooks. People who feel like contributing money to me via Patreon can do so right

                I also understand a lot of my readership cannot afford to support me via Patreon. My presence on Patreon will not change anything about what I can for the blog. All it means is if someone wants to support me financially outside of the usual avenues of:


pleasepaybeachsloth@gmail.com – my Paypal account, which has since become an MEME 

             Recently I have also decided to start a Fiverr account which basically expands what I do on a regular basis into new forms. If you are interested in my Fiverr work (want something written, shared, re-tweeted, etc.) you can go:


They can. It is that simple. Nothing else will change. I shall continue Beach Sloth, this passion project of mine, because I think that what I do is rewarding in ways outside of mere monetary concerns. My ultimate goal for Beach Sloth is to have it financially support me and a small group of writers I particularly like (I have people in mind for this). That is far away but with Patreon that can become considerably easier. Thank you for reading this and thank you for coming to my little corner of the universe. 

                Additionally I would like to thank everyone who has been able to support me on Patreon. It means more to me than I can possibly express.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

From LIVEBLOG by Megan Boyle

                Megan Boyle drives a police car because the police upgraded to luxury sedans. So she got the Crown Victoria and drives it around like a bat out of hell because that’s the way Meatloaf would want. Donuts are bagels to the police for when their food is over they are sad. Nobody wants their food to end whether bagel or pizza but it will happen. One of the worst things about food consumption is it is all entropy anyway. Food gets low gets sucked out of all the good stuff leaving the waste around ready for a porcelain figurine. Whoever invented the toilet, they were probably a genius and a total piece of shit who didn’t want to be a piece of shit anymore. 

                “Capital One Bank” is alone. That is the way lonely people work. Accumulating capital is important to the lonely people of the world. Without this capital the lonely people are merely lonely. For the rich ones they try to put their codes into the world to attract a little attention which is why alone is in the middle of “Capital One Bank” the way the arrow is located within the FedEx logo. This is the way the rich people communicate with themselves. Unfortunately not everybody is able to pay attention enough to the loneliness of the world. 

                Rhode Island, what is Rhode Island even? A bastard child of Massachusetts and Connecticut, it really is sort of a nothing state, like Delaware but for New England. Nobody in Rhode Island can precisely explain why they live there. One day they were born in Rhode Island and twenty eight years later they continue to live in Rhode Island, raising a family there, remembering that one time they saw Lightning Bolt perform in Providence. Yes life in Rhode Island is weird like death on an airplane is weird. Most people survive their chance encounters on airplanes, unfortunately. Usually this is due to fate listening to that terrible album they are listening to and deciding that fate needs a better soundtrack to kill people to for fate is a refined creature. 

                Port-a-potty is a rare creature indeed. Port-a-potties takes shit from the world and exist for this sole purpose. Life is pretty bad for anyone reincarnated as a port-a-potty. Working for port-a-potty is pretty good, great benefits, nice bathrooms, and a lot of fun festivals to go to for absolutely nothing. Yes there are worse things than working for port-a-potty like eating dog food for a period of time when people are usually out partying. The dog food life is for the dogs. Any human being who eats dog food is usually doing pretty poorly or is really weird. Sometimes it can be both.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

AM I A FAMOUS WRITER YET? By Guillaume Morissette

                Writers are always going back to the start. This is the way that the writing world works: one day you are unknown, the next day you are unknown, the day after you are unknown, and then this goes on indefinitely. Lots of writers try to do innovative fun things on the Internet to try and alleviate this lack of attention: hence twitter, hence Tumblr, hence Facebook page, and more! 

                The world of writing is one of numbers. Unfortunately most writers do not understand numbers which is why they are writers. Statistical probability plays a huge role in the success of a writer. Writers who possess that “one thousand monkeys on a thousand typewriters” have a definite edge. For writing requires work every single day of the week, even on a Sunday. Life for a writer can be difficult and fraught with peril. Hence writers find themselves running Twitter accounts, writing articles about things they do not believe in in exchange for sweet hard currency. One day a writer could be writing their own stuff for nothing, the next day they are reviewing vodkas for money despite having never tried any of said vodkas. 

                Options are unlimited for writers. They can go the whole children’s book route which guarantees at least some level of consistency. Children typically are encouraged to read in order to avoid having them get the Internet too early in life. Any writer who goes for an audience of children can find true riches, potentially. Usually for writers who write about the academic and the controversial they can expect very little attention. With everything that goes on in the world the world has become relatively immune to anything shocking. Every day is shocking for most people for the basic reason that they have managed to survive another day. 

                Going back to start is a good way to reassess one’s writing career. This is common. Writing careers are doomed from the moment they start. Scaling back is a must for those initial dreams of becoming an immensely popular writer are typically for nothing. If somebody writers with the idea that they will achieve extreme popularity they are writing for exactly the wrong reasons. People expect writing for free or almost for free. A book is an artifact from another time, one where people would curl up with a good book instead of a good website. 

                For millions of writers across the world writing should not be for others but for themselves. The audience comes later not first.